Page 7 of Beneath Submission
~Five~
The Continuance
The day that I asked Xavier for his help, why did I think he would be any different? All men were the same. The worst part about him lying to me about who he really was, was that I was stupid enough to open my heart to him. No man was ever going to break me. Not Mr. Colin and certainly not Xavier. My heart would be forever shielded from the hurt it has endured.
Holding my head high, I exited Xavier’s building knowing that I had nowhere to go, but with my pride, there was no way I would ever go back. As I walked along the sidewalk, the tears began to decrease even though by heart was still hurting. At least there was one thing to be thankful for. With everything that had happened over the past weeks, I had a father who I thought was gone forever. It was then I realized that he was the one person that I could actually trust.
Pulling my phone from my purse, I dialed my father hoping that he would answer. On the verge of defeat, I placed my phone back in my purse and continued to walk down the sidewalk. Eventually he would get my message and call me back. In the meantime, I knew that Xavier would try and find me, and it was best that I waited somewhere where I wouldn’t be seen. Slipping inside a coffee shop, I walked up to the counter and ordered a vanilla latte. Searching inside my purse, I was able to scrounge up enough money to pay for the five-dollar coffee.
As I took a seat, I pulled my phone from my purse and waited for my father to call. Just as I placed it on the round table, it began to ring, only it wasn’t my father. Xavier was on the other end and there was no way I was ready to speak to him. I wasn’t sure if I would ever want to speak with him. Declining the call so that it would stop ringing, I stared at my phone, wondering what it my life would have been like if Xavier hadn’t lied to me. Just the thought made me sad and I could feel the tears begin to well.
Just when I was about to try my father again, he called. “Tessa, how wonderful to hear from you.”
“I’m in a mess, Papa, can you please come get me?” I managed to get out between tears. “I am at the coffee shop on the corner of Spring and 6th. Please hurry.”
“What is going on, myshka?” he asked.
“I will explain everything when you get here. Just please, hurry.”
After hanging up with my father, I could see that Xavier had left a voice message. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to listen to what he had to say. He would be pleading for me to come back so that he could explain. There really wasn’t anything that he could say that would change my mind about what he did, and I couldn’t allow myself to give into him. As much as I cared for him, what he did was wrong, and more than anything, I needed to walk away from him no matter how much it was going to hurt. In the long run it would be better, and my heart would eventually heal.
Shedding the last of my tears, I focused on the street and watched as my father pulled up in his expensive Audi. Drinking the last of my now cold coffee, I placed it in the trash before leaving the quaint coffee shop. Before I reached the car, he was at my side, holding me in a tight, but caring hug. Just the closeness between us opened the gates and my tears once again began to spill. Xavier had a hold on my heart and I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to let him go.
Kissing the top of my head, my father held me closer and said sympathetically, “It will be okay, baby girl. I promise, whatever is hurting you will get better.”
“He lied to me, Papa. He isn’t who I thought he was. Just like Mr. Colin, he deceived me,” I said between sobs.
“There had to be a reason. I know that Xavier loves you. He is a good man. After all, he brought us together.”
Listening to my father, he was right. Xavier did bring us together, but that still didn’t expunge the fact that he lied to me. Looking back, he should have trusted me to understand his need to change who he was, especially since I had questioned him about it when the name ‘Josh’ came up.
~*~*~*~
When we got to the house, all I wanted to do was drown in my sorrow. I had every right to feel the way I did, and all I wanted was some time to escape inside my own little world that I loved so much and had always made me happy.
Climbing the stairs as though my whole world had been taken away from me. I reached my room and just stood at the doorway. Remembering what it was like to have Xavier hold me, I turned away and walked across the hall to the other bedroom where I knew there would be no memories of Xavier and the passion that we shared.
Removing only my skirt, I slipped under the covers and pulled them up over my head, shutting out the world to enter my own little piece of heaven. I closed my eyes and thought of nothing more than happy thoughts. Meadows, blue skies, and a warm summer breeze were all that filled my mind until it was replaced with thoughts of Xavier. All I could think about was his face and the way he looked at me when I left his condo. I even thought about the way he looked at Ryan when the elevator door shut.
I could only imagine what took place between them after I left. As badly as I felt for Xavier, I knew it wasn’t my problem. He never should have hidden the truth from me, or from Ryan, who I assumed was someone important.
Finding that I wouldn’t ever be able to relax, I pushed the covers off and decided to take a walk on the trail. That always managed to make me relax. Maybe a long walk would clear my mind and allow me to take hold of my emotions. I needed to prove to myself that I was a strong person and this thing between Xavier and I wasn’t going to leave me down.
Sliding my skirt up over my hips, I slipped on my shoes and headed down the stairs. Since I planned on being gone for a while, and given the heat of the day, I thought it would be best to grab some water for my walk. Reaching the bottom step, I heard my father talking to someone in the living room. Waiting to hear more of the conversation, I heard his voice. I quickly turned towards the front door, doing everything possible to avoid running into Xavier. I should have known that my father would have been the first person that Xavier would have come to. Taking careful, quiet steps, I slowly opened the front door and left the house towards the trail. As far as my father knew, I was still upstairs.
With a sigh of relief that I had escaped unnoticed, I took in a deep breath and began walking down the trail. Even though the only thing I could think about was Xavier, at least I was where I wanted to be, breathing in the fresh air, away from the house. Hopefully by the time I returned, he would be gone. At the very least, I would be able to keep an eye on the house and wait until he did leave, if by chance he was still there when I went back.
Increasing my pace, I hurried down the path until I was hidden deep beneath the thick trees. When I was well within the woods, I slowed up and walked at a normal speed, enjoying my surroundings. If I was ever able to purchase my own home, I would make sure that it was somewhere away from the city. A place just like this one, with trails to walk and an open space where there was room to breathe. As much as I liked the city, I love the country more.
Reaching the area where the fire pit was, I wandered over to the stone pit and took a seat. If I had a match, I would have started a fire and waited until dark just to enjoy the warmth. For now, I just enjoyed the quietness, listening only to the birds and the leaves rustling in the breeze. With all the quiet, I found it hard to stop thinking about Xavier. Leaning my head back against the headrest, I looked up between the branches, catching only a small glimpse of the blue sky.
Emotional exhaustion took over, because before I knew it, I was dreaming about my meadows. My dream had begun where it had left off, with Xavier kissing me. Even though I didn’t want him inside, it felt right having him there. It was as though I could feel every ounce of his touch, making it that much more real. So real that I could feel his hand against my cheek. It was warm and tender. I could even smell his scent. The scent I came to know so well.
My eyes slowly opened, realizing that I hadn’t been dreaming at all. Sitting beside me, looking as though he lost his best friend, was Xavier. As I looked down, his hand was in mine. I quickly pulled it away, feeling that his touch would bring me closer to him. Standing to my feet, I had to do something. I couldn’t let him know the effect he was having on me.
Walking away, I tried my damnedest not to turn around when he said, “Tessa, please hear me out.”
Stopping, I took a deep breath and replied, “There is nothing to say, Xavier.”
