Page 14 of Beneath Submission
I had never lied to him, so I wasn’t sure why he thought I wouldn’t be honest with him about anything. Wiping my mouth with my napkin, I placed it on the cart and took a sip of my wine. “You can ask me anything and I will always be honest with you.”
Doing the same, Xavier placed his napkin on the table. Taking my hand, he looked down and asked, “Why does Colin want you so badly that he would use your brother?”
I never told Xavier of my life with Mr. Colin and I wasn’t sure that I was ready to share everything with him. I knew that I said I would be honest with him, but sharing this could mean that he wouldn’t want to be with a woman that had been with so many men, no matter what the reasons were. I didn’t want to lie to him, so instead of telling him the truth, I thought carefully about what I could tell him to satisfy his question without revealing the sordid details of my pathetic life.
“You know what Mr. Colin did and you know that he was the only man in my life up until a few months ago. It is the same with anything, Xavier. When you claim something as your own after having it for so many years, you would let nothing get in your way to make sure that it isn’t taken from you. I believe this is the reason that Mr. Colin wants me so badly. At least enough to use my brother to get me.”
I knew without a doubt that it was much more than that. He wanted me back to fill his pockets. If I had to guess, now more than ever, he needed a way to produce income given his circumstances. The news of him being arrested had more than likely put a damper on his business, and his associates were probably staying away from any business dealings with him until the heat on him died down. The majority of them were at the party the night he was arrested.
“I think it is more than that. I know that he doesn’t like losing, but something doesn’t add up. Why is he so determined to have you?”
Yikes!I didn’t know how to get out of that one. Maybe it was time that I told him everything. I had a funny feeling that if I didn’t he would continue to poke and prod until he got the answers that he needed. Taking a deep breath, I pulled my hand from his and stood to my feet. Pacing the length of the living room, but stopping shy of the French doors leading to the balcony, I turned to face him and said, “I’m afraid that if I tell you the real reason behind his motives, you will never want to be with me.”
“I could never stop caring about you or ever want to be without you. Whatever the reason is, I will always love you, Tessa,” he confessed.
His words seemed so sincere, but I still had my doubts. There was no way that any man would want to have a relationship with a woman who had been used by so many men like I had. I felt like a hypocrite.How can I ask him to be honest with me when I couldn’t be honest with him?It was time that I lived up to my part and told him everything. If he truly loved me as he said, then he would understand and stay with me no matter what.
Taking my place beside him, I opened up about my past and willed his heart to open as well. “It all began when I was fifteen. Mr. Colin said his clients loved the young ones and as beautiful as I was, I would bring in a healthy chunk of change for my services. He groomed me to be his submissive and punished me when I disobeyed him. Most of the time he had Simon do his dirty work. When my punishment was over, Mr. Colin would comfort me, pretending to be the good guy.”
“Is that why you call him ‘Mr. Colin?’ His way of showing authority,” he remarked sarcastically.
“Yes, he would never allow me to call him anything else, even though I tried to call him “father.” He warned me of my disobedience. I don’t know why I was so insistent in calling him that. He was far from my father.”
I could tell by the look on Xavier’s face that he was more than disgusted with what I was telling him. Standing to my feet, I looked down on him and said regretfully, “I knew that you would react this way. I guess love is only as true as a person’s outer self.”
Heading to the door, I felt I had no other option but to leave. It was only after Xavier reached for me that my tears began to fall. Taking me in his arms, he pulled me closer and whispered, “Tessa, I love you. I am angry at Colin and what he did to you. I understand that you had no choice. He is a ruthless monster. I could kill him for what he did to you.”
