Page 72 of The Rules of Courtship
He needed to spit the words out, to have it done with. “When Captain Rose was dying, he made a confession that was corroborated by his brother. Apparently, he is not my father.”
Ruth merely blinked at him, so he continued. “Jacob Ridley’s father is.” Oliver explained the whole of the situation to her: how Captain Rose had confessed the truth. How Diana was his mother, so they had contrived to find a way for him to be brought up in his family without a stain on his name. How they had fictionalized Joanna Rose, the woman he believed to have been his mother. How Jacob Ridley’s father had not known of Oliver’s existence.
How Oliver could no longer trust the truth to remain a secret, which would put her at risk of a scandal were it to be revealed at any time in the future.
He told her of his grandmother’s debt and the inheritance left to him, how he could not provide a life flush with finer things. His efforts to revive Boone Park and create a working estate would continue for several more years.
Ruth remained silent while Oliver explained how wholly unacceptable he was—both financially and in reputation.
She stared at him, unblinking. “You think I care so much for money I would prefer gowns and bonnets toyou?”
Oliver had no ready response.
Ruth shook her head. “Surely you must know how little weight I place upon the negative opinions of others. Did my efforts to remain stalwart at Eliza’s side all these years go unnoticed by you? She had sunk below reproach, her reputation in tatters, and not once did I shrink away from her.”
“Of course not, Ruth.” It had been evident that she had put her friend’s feelings above that of a judgmental society. This was different. This stain would seep into the next generation were it to be discovered. It could affect any children they had in the future.
Children. The very idea made his blood hum. He imagined Ruth at his side, a baby wrapped tightly in a blanket and nestled against her shoulder. To know they would work together to bring that child up in the world to become a good person and continue the Rose legacy.
If there was a house and a legacy remaining to leave behind, that was.
Oliver pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes to block out the distracting sight of Ruth. “It is simple to claim you would be unbothered, but living through it would be another matter entirely.”
“Yet it has remained a secret all these years. Why do you believe it will not remain so any longer?”
He passed his hand down his face, inhaling slowly andhoping the best words would come to him. “The more people who know something, the more likely it is to not remain a secret. I feel it is important to warn you about the potential. I do hope it never comes to light in greater society, but we must be prepared for that possible eventuality.”
He did not want to tell her that his aunt and uncle had been angry with him for inheriting Boone Park, and if things did not go as they hoped during the reading of Captain Rose’s will, he feared how they would retaliate.
“I see.” She lowered her hands, clasping them lightly in front of her. In the violet riding habit, her hat perched on her head and the high collar that draped down snugly over her shoulders and arms, she looked regal, foreboding. She was a force. “What if I tell you that my feelings for you run deeper than the possibility of a little rumor?”
Oliver’s body froze. He heard the words, but they took a moment to sink in. Feelings? Could Ruth possibly be saying what he thought? All this time he had known they were friends, that she cared for him on some level. But the implication that they could have begun to run deeper than friendship simmered beneath his skin with equal parts fear and excitement.
A niggling in the back of his mind wondered if it was the result of the kiss or the reason for it.
“When did you begin to feel this way?” he asked, glad his voice remained even.
She held his gaze resolutely. “The house party. The evening in the garden.”
Aresultof the kiss, then. He could not trust it to be lasting or deep. She had nestled in his head, remaining there for every waking moment since that kiss. Oliver loved her, but he also knew her feelings might not run as deep as she imagined they did. If she was wrapped up in the romance of their shared moments, she could have been influenced by those emotions and not as fully in love as she believed.
He could not very well sentence her to a life married to an illegitimate if her feelings were fleeting. As much as it pained him to admit to himself, Ruth needed some time away from him—void of physical connection—to understand her mind fully.
Leaning away from her, he nodded. “Your father has not made a decision. If we are fortunate, he will find the prospect unsavory and forbid the union. I will not mind taking the blame and you will be free to find someone else without significant repercussions.”
“You cannot be serious, Oliver. Did you not understand me? Iwantto marry you.”
He understood that shebelievedthat to be the case, of course. “It is unwise to make any decisions until we know the full situation.”
She let out a frustrated huff. “Do you care at all for how I feel?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then why does the will have anything to say for it? I am willing to weather whatever storms we must, be they financial or a battered reputation. Do you not think we would be happy regardless?”
Pain lacerated him at the look of hurt that flashed across her eyes. She did not understand, but he was helping her. She just could not see it now. “Ruth, do not make this more difficult than it must be.”
“I am doing that?” She scoffed. “You could simplify the whole of it if you would only accept me now. March back into my father’s study and tell him you love me. That is all he needs in order to provide his blessing. He cares not for money or status. Surely you know that.”
