Page 77 of Breakaway Goals
Shouldn’t have gone out of his way to have a four point night, too. He’d told himself it was for the Sentinels, but was it really? He’d known Morgan was out there, watching, and as much as he hated to admit it, maybe that had driven him harder than normal.
“Watching out for Finn isn’t being a dick,” Hayes said, far too aware how bitchy he sounded now. Zach had always told him he shouldn’t end up a bitchy, bitter gay, but if he had, could anyone blame him?
“Well, tellhimthat, then, cause I’m only here because he asked me to be.” Morgan let go of the sink and took a step closer. Hayes told himself to move back, too, but his limbs suddenly didn’t seem to work. “What the fuck, Monty? You’re really not like this.”
“You don’t know what I’m like anymore,” Hayes argued.You haven’t been around to see what the C did to me.
Actually, he thought it had grounded him and turned him into a better, more generous player. No way it wasn’t a good thing, agreatthing. It hadn’t turned him into a dick.
That had been Morgan.
But if he said that, Morgan would know how much he’d hurt him, how much he wasstillhurting him, and that was intolerable.
Morgan took a deep breath and actually had the nerve to look vaguely upset that he hadn’t been around. When he’d been the one to leave in Toronto! To ghostHayes.
“No,” he said, softly. “I don’t know what you’re like anymore.”
“And let’s keep it that way,” Hayes said brusquely. He walked over to the urinal. Had a momentary loss of feeling in his toes as he unzipped and pulled his dick out. He’d really had to pee before this moment, but now he was suddenly terrified that he’d freeze up, just because Morgan was staring at him.
Morgan waited silently until he was done, moving to the side, next to the sink, so Hayes could wash his hands without being in any danger of them touching.
For a single hysterical moment, Hayes considered not just mentioning this out loud, butthanking Morgan. Luckily, he came to his senses before he actually said it out loud.
He shook the water off his hands, turned to look for the paper towel dispenser, but of course Morgan was between him and it.
Morgan still didn’t say anything, just grabbed one and held it out for Hayes to take.
“You’re my son’s captain,” Morgan said quietly. “You can hate me. But don’t punish him for the crime of having the wrong last name, okay?”
“I don’t—Iwouldn’t—”Hayes broke off abruptly as he snatched the paper towel and dried his hands. Compressed it into a tight ball in his palm.
“No, of course you wouldn’t. You’d never do that.” Morgan sighed, his gaze sliding away from him again. Not the same cold, calculated disassociation as during all those faceoffs post-fling, butdifferent. Hayes wanted to believe it was because lookingright at him sucked too much. Reminded him of too many things he wanted to forget, just like Hayes.
But there was no evidence whatsoever, except this single moment, that Morgan had spent the last six years thinking about him and regretting, just like Hayes, how it had ended between them.
“I wouldn’t,” Hayes repeated. Didn’t promise, but hoped that Morgan could hear the vow in his voice. “I like Finn a lot. He’s a great guy and a great hockey player.”
“I’d say thank you, but not sure I had much to do with either of those,” Morgan said.
This was so ridiculous, Hayes could only stare at him in utter disbelief. “You? Being modest? What the fuck, Mo?”
Morgan chuckled. “Can’t say I didn’t try to fuck it up, like everything else. But I’m trying.” His eyes met Hayes’ and for a solid moment, Hayes was sure he was going to say something else. Like,tell me it’s not too late to try with you, too.
But he didn’t. Of course he didn’t. They weren’t practicing that kind of idiocy still. At least Hayes wasn’t.
“All we can do,” Hayes said, trying for a light, casual tone, and he wasn’t surprised he failed utterly at it, because one thing they had never been was light or casual.
Morgan nodded once. “See you around,” he said, and then he was gone, the door swinging shut behind him.
Hayes let out a shaky breath and leaned against the sink, trying to steady his suddenly wobbly knees.
He’d tried for so long and so hard to exorcise him, to forcibly remove Morgan from his brain and his heart, but the truth was, there was no getting rid of him. Morgan was a fact of his life, same as being drafted first overall.
Once, he’d told Morgan he thought he’d be able to put that baggage down, someday. But now, a few years further down theroad, he was beginning to see why Morgan had thought that was impossible.
Chapter 12
Hayes’agent,BartholemewSmithIII, was a jerk, but he wasHayes’jerk. It was the only reason he’d kept Barty around as long as he had. And, because it was impossible to deny that the guy was the best agent in the NHL.
