Page 106 of Breakaway Goals
That had to be enough.
Morgan lifted himself out of bed and went in search of Hayes.
Found him a few minutes later, outside, face lit by the dim blue pool light. Curled up on one of the loungers—not the one they’d nearly fucked on—a blanket wrapped around his naked shoulders even though it was south Florida, so it was hardly cold even though it was the middle of the night.
“Hey,” Morgan said, and Hayes looked up at him in surprise. Like he hadn’t been expected to get caught. “You okay?”
Hayes picked at the corner of the blanket. “Yeah,” he said.
He was regretting not grabbing any of his clothes. Not because it was cold, but because he felt exposed. Weirdly vulnerable in a way he never did, even after spending so many years naked in changing rooms.
There was a moment he thought he should leave Hayes to his two a.m. mental gymnastics, but there was no way the mental gymnastics were not about him.
Morgan settled down on the next lounger over.
Glancing over at him, Morgan saw the corner of Hayes’ mouth tilt up. “You gonna sit out here, too?”
It was not a hard question to answer. “You’re here. So I’m here,” Morgan said, shrugging.
Hayes opened his mouth and then snapped it shut again. But before Morgan could elaborate, he was turning his whole body in Morgan’s direction.
“Honestly, what the fuck,” he said, not really asking and not really sounding pissed either. Just incredulous. “What the fuck, Morgan.”
“I was an idiot. We established that.” But it was more than that too. “You know it never could’ve worked. We didn’t talk about it, back then, because it was impossible.”
Hayes didn’t say anything but the look on his face told Morgan that the same thought had crossedhismind.
“And after . . .” Morgan had promised himself he’d never tell Hayes this, but there was no way to make this right without complete honesty. “After I retired, I was going to come see you. Had my ticket booked and everything. And then you came out.”
It was hard to watch Hayes as the bomb dropped on him. He sat there, shocked into silence for a long moment.
“Alexander.” He looked drawn and white, blue light playing over the angles of his face.
“I thought you were happy. For a crazy moment, I thought, I could go ask him still. Maybe he’d want me instead, but then I thought, you’re happy. That’s all I wanted. Better that I leave you alone—”
“I wasn’t,” Hayes interrupted. Leaning forward. “I wasn’t fucking happy. Not happy enough, anyway. He dumped me because I was still in love with you.”
Morgan froze. Couldn’t imagine what his expression looked like.
Should he apologize? Should he grovel?Keepgroveling?
Immediately fall to his knees, like Danny constantly kept suggesting, and say he loved him too? That he’d loved him for six years?
None of the options seemed good enough. So he just sat there in stunned silence, instead.Totally better, Danny told him in his head.Faced withthemoment, you fucking freeze.
“I know, pretty pathetic, isn’t it?” Hayes said, with a self-deprecating smile. “I tried to get over it. But from what happened tonight, you can see how wellthatwent.”
Morgan finally managed to unstick his tongue. “I . . .I never got over it. I meant it, I was an idiot.”
“Not a wrong idiot though,” Hayes pointed out gently. “You were right about it not working then. How would it have? And I knew it, which is why I didn’t say anything, either. I only wish you hadn’t . . .just . . .left.”
Morgan wished he hadn’t either. He hadn’t been able to be as honest as he should have during that piss-poor apology six years ago, but he could do it now. He’d practiced the confession enough times. “I shouldn’t have handled it that way. It doesn’t make it right, but . . .” It was hard—terrifying, actually—to meet Hayes’ gaze but he did it anyway. “But I didn’t think I’d have been able to do it, if I waited, if I said goodbye. If I . . .if I did it right.”
“What are you saying?” Of course Hayes cut right through his nebulous bullshit.
Morgan stood, still feeling that vulnerability creep up his spine. Walked over to Hayes. If he fucked this up now, he wasn’t going to get a second chance.
Hayes stared at him.
