Page 29 of Breaking the Ice
“Right,” Zach said. “It was stupid. I was so stupid—”
“Not stupid,” Hayes interrupted. “Hopeful. That’s different.”
“Doesn’t feel very different right now.”
“No, it wouldn’t.” Hayes paused. “I told you he was probably going to have two freakouts. The gay freakout of course. And then the widower freakout. And you know, you don’thaveto deal with either of those? It’s notyourbaggage, Zachy.”
“But,ugh,” Zach said. “What if I want it to be?”
Hayes chuckled darkly. “You’re kind of gone for him, aren’t you?”
“Always have been.” He could tell Hayes this, because Hayes understood better than anyone else.
“But it’s worse now,” Hayes said, not asking but stating. And yeah, itwasworse. Because of those heart-stopping moments when they’d nearly kissed, and more, too.
Because this thing between them, if Gavin could move past his baggage, and if Zach was patient enough to let him, could bereal.
Not just a late night fantasy or a childish crush.
“Well, yeah. It’s an actual fucking possibility now. It never was before. It was just me being . . .well, stupid then, too.” Zachmade a face.
“Doesn’t seem you’ve really moved past that,” Hayes teased.
“Thanks,” Zach retorted. “Pot, meet kettle.”
“I never denied it,” Hayes said lightly. And no, he hadn’t.
“At least we’re stupid together,” Zach said. What Hayes said made sense. A lot more sense than Gavin showing up in Portland, ready and willing to hook up with Zach.
Hayes hummed his agreement. “You’re gonna have to be patient. Really patient, probably. And you know what else? You don’t have to do this, Zach. You can just . . .decide to be friends. Co-workers. You don’t have to hold back, and wait for someone who might never be ready to acknowledge that you’re more than just his old player. Or that you’ve grown up, and he’s interested in you as more than just a professional acquaintance.”
Zach knew he was right. But then Hayes had never taken his own advice. “How’d that work out for you?” he asked. Maybe that was unfair, but it was also true.
“It never did,” Hayes admitted with a sigh. “You know that. But you’re not inthatdeep, yet.”
No, he wasn’t in love with Gavin. Yet.
“I’m just saying. You could hold yourself back, if you wanted to.”
Zach knew that Hayes probably believed that was true.
But he hadn’t felt the way Zach had when Gavin had called him three weeks ago. Or the way his pulse had skittered when Gavin had walked in this morning. Or the way his gaze was always drawn to him, even when he wasn’t talking.
Like they were both magnets. Zach didn’t know if he wanted to avoid the pull, or lean into it.
No, that wasn’t right. Heknewwhat he wanted to do.
“I don’t know if that’s true,” Zach said bluntly.
Hayes sighed. “Oh, Zachy.”
“I know,” Zach said morosely. “This is gonna be awesome and also is gonna suck hard, isn’t it?”
The long pause before Hayes answered told him the truth.
“Yeah, probably,” Hayes said. “But maybe, for you, it’ll turn out differently.”
Gavin should be exhausted.
