Page 98 of Breaking the Ice
“No?” Sidney challenged. “I find that very hard to believe. I saw you two less than a week ago, and you were fine. The team’s playing great.Fix this, Blackburn.”
Gavin winced. “I’m not sure there’s anything I can say—”
There was one thing he coulddo, but he couldn’t imagine that, either. Or, he could imagine it far too well, and that was the whole fucking problem.
“I don’t care. Fix it,” Sidney barked again.
“Maybeyoushould—”
Sidney cut Gavin off. “When I hired him, I didn’t want to let him go off to the god forsaken place you’d buried yourself in. I told him he was crazy, that you’d never want to coach again. That everyone knew that. But he never, ever let it go. He begged and pleaded and threatened and coerced. He never gave up on you, not once.”
Gavin shut his eyes, guilt swamping his already painfully guilty conscience. He didn’t want to hear this, but there was no way to stop Sidney.
“I can’t believe you’d give up on himthiseasily, without even trying to get him back. Without even trying to fix whatever it is you two broke.”
It’s me, he wanted to tell Sidney,I’m the broken thing, and I can’t be fixed.
“I’m really not sure there’s anything I can say,” Gavin said diplomatically.
“Find something then,” Sidney said. “What even happened?”
“It’s . . .” Gavin licked his lips. Still tasting Zach there, even though it was heaven and hell. “It’s complicated.”
“Then uncomplicate it!”
Gavin laughed humorlessly. “I wish it was that easy.”
“He never gave up on you. Even when I was insisting to him that he should.” Gavin could hear the reprimand in Sidney’s words. “You’re going to give up on himthateasily?”
Gavin was lost for a moment. He didn’t want to give up on Zach, of course. Not now. Notever. Every part of him was dying to walk—no,run—over to Zach’s place and beg him to reconsider. That he was sorry. That Zach was right, about everything.
But hewasn’t, and that was the only persuasive argument that Gavin thought he might even be tempted to listen to.
It was a problem.
“I . . .no. No. Of course not. I’ll . . .I’ll see what I can do.” It would basically kill him but he could go over there and ask Zach to reconsider. Repeat his commitment to keep things professional—this time hewouldstick to it. There’d be no more late night phone calls, no more early morning breakfasts, no more surreptitious glances at Zach’s gorgeous body in the gym. No more fantasies while he touched himself.
“Good,” Sidney said. “See that you do.”
He hung up, leaving Gavin to contemplate all the things that had to come to an end. And even then, even if he promised none of that would ever happen again, Gavin didn’t think Zach would reconsider.
But Sidney was right. Zach had come to Michigan this summer even though everyone doubted him—even thoughheeven doubted—but he’d done it because he’d felt compelled to try to convince Gavin to change his mind.
He owed Zach for that, because maybe he was wrong about Gavin being ready to date him or Gavin being worthy ofhim—or that they were already dating—he’d been right about hockey.
Gavin hadn’t been done with hockey, after all.
But if he was right about hockey, could he have been right about him, too?
It wasn’t the first time the thought had occurred to him, but it was the first time Gavin didn’t dismiss it immediately out of hand as wishful thinking.
He was hurting so much, maybe that was why he didn’t?
But he’d promised Sidney—and promised Zach too, in more than just words—that he’d try. If he didn’t at least attempt to figure out if Zach was right abouteverything, then he wasn’t holding true to that. And no matter what else he believed, he knew Noelle would be disappointed if he didn’t keep his word.
It was easy and also terrifying to email Jon and ask for an emergency session.
Because, what if Zach was right?
