Page 62 of Breaking the Ice
Grabbed his phone and sent Jon a text. He could duck home between his lunch meeting and practice this afternoon. Normally he might take a therapy call in his office, but there was no way he could talk about this at the rink. Even with his door closed, he couldn’t take the risk.
“See you at practice this afternoon?” Gavin called out.
Zach nodded, not even glancing behind him, and Gavin told himself firmly he wasn’t running away.
But he kind of was.
“So what’s going on?” Jon asked, leaning back in his office chair.
Maybe with other clients Jon was more formal, but for awhile now, Gavin’s sessions with Jon had felt more like chats with a friend than therapy sessions.
“Um, well not much. We’re winning. Things are going good.” Gavin knew he was fucking prevaricating. He’d asked Jon for this session. He needed to just open his mouth and spit it out.
Jon raised an eyebrow and looked unimpressed. “And you ask for a sessiontoday, just to tell me everything’s fine?”
Gavin sighed. “It’s Zach,” he admitted.
“You guys having issues?”
“Uh, no. No. The fucking opposite.” Gavin barked out a laugh. “I . . .I like him more than I should.”
Jon didn’t look surprised at all. And okay, probably he’d known this whole fucking time, and he’d just been waiting for Gavin to break and actuallytalkabout it.
“What’s wrong with that? Assuming it’s not going to cause a problem with the team—”
“It wouldn’t, ever. Swift is more his boss than I am. In fact, I think Swift even set it up that way,” Gavin said. He knew he was still delaying the inevitable.
“Okay, so it wouldn’t be necessarily inappropriate,” Jon said. “What’s the issue?”
Gavin’s jaw dropped. “What’s the issue? Are you joking?”
“Gavin,” Jon soothed. “You’re not even forty years old. It’s not a requirement of grief to spend the rest of your life alone.”
“I know that.” Gavin bristled. “But that’s not for me.”
“Why not?”
Gavin made a face. “Because it just isn’t for me. I don’t want to date again. Ican’tdate again.”
“Sounds like you want to, though,” Jon said kindly. Probably kinder than Gavin deserved.
“I don’t, Idon’t,” Gavin argued. Dating. Love. A relationship. That was the thing he’d had with Noelle. It couldn’t be duplicated. He didn’t even want to try. This thing with Zach was just . . .chemical.
“You just said you liked him more than you should. You like him. I think based on the few things you’ve mentioned, it might be likely that he likes you, too. Why shouldn’t you date him?”
This was why Gavin hadn’t wanted to talk to Jon about this. Because he would act like it wasn’t a big deal; like this wasn’t fucking monumental.
“I just can’t,” Gavin said stubbornly.
“If you can’t tell me why, can you at least tellyourselfwhy that is?”
Yes and no.
Gavin didn’t say it though. The words felt stuck in his throat.
Jon sighed. “Alright, how about this? Could you spend some time together outside of work? Maybe not a date, but more than just co-workers?”
It was annoying how Gavin’s heart leapt at that possibility. They’d done that two weeks ago, after that first game. Shared a drink, even if it was at a work function, and then they’d walked together through the dark, quiet campus.
