Page 48 of Breaking the Ice
Gavin swallowed hard as pain flared deep inside. It was less agonizing than it had been, but it still hurt. “Fifteen.”
“God, I’m . . .I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Gavin.”
“Yeah. I know. I . . .” Gavin trailed off. Four years after losing her, he still didn’t know how to accept people’s sympathy.
“It must be hard, to know what to say to people,” Zach said, like he could read Gavin’s thoughts.
“Yeah, it really was.Is, I guess,” Gavin confessed.
“Was for me too,” Zach said. “And she wasn’t my wife.”
“I didn’t know you felt anything when . . .when it happened.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? She was so great, Gavin. So great. Nice to me when she didn’t have to be—”
“Yeah, she did,” Gavin interrupted. And yes, it hurt. It always hurt. But now that the pain was breaking through the numbness it wasn’t as horrific as it had been, at one point.
It was a pain he could, well, Gavin couldn’t say he couldlivewith it, but he was, wasn’t he?
He was living with it right now, and he didn’t want to even admit it to himself but Zach was helping, too, every single day.
“Well, she was nice. And when I found out . . .” Zach swallowed hard, audible clicks over the line. “And when I found out, I hurt for you, G.”
It was Gavin’s turn to swallow that lump in his throat, forcing it down. “Thanks.”
“I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how and maybe it was better that I didn’t.”
“It was better,” Gavin insisted. “I didn’t . . .obviously I’m total shit at accepting sympathy.”
“It’s okay,” Zach said. “I like you anyway.”
And Gavin really believed that might be true.
Not likethat,maybe—or else Gavin hoped it wasn’t like that, because it wouldn’t matter if Zach had those feelings or not, because nothing was ever going to happen.
“You know, I like it when we talk about nothing, but this was nice too,” Gavin said.
“Yeah, it was,” Zach said. “I’m sorry if I didn’t say anything before.”
“Don’t be,” Gavin insisted. Back then, he hadn’t needed Zach to tell him. He’d only needed everyone to leave him the hell alone. And now that Zach was? Well, he wasn’t sure he’d ever bereadyto hear these things, but it wasn’t as awful as it might’ve been, once.
He could live with it.
“Okay,” Zach said. He sounded relieved, likenotsaying anything had been bothering him. “I’m glad you came out to me.” His tone went softer then, almost intimate, and Gavin felt them edging towards that line again.
The line he didn’t want to even acknowledge to himself, while also depending on it entirely.
“Guess there were a few things we needed to say to each other,” Zach mused.
“Guess so.”
“You wanna skate again tomorrow morning after breakfast?”
“Sure. And then I have a lunch with Sidney.”
“Again?”
Gavin made a frustrated noise. “He’s not unhappy or anything. Just . . .nosy.”
