Page 141 of Breaking the Ice
“Um, yeah, well, sort of,” Zach said, grimacing at his own indecision. He took a deep breath. If Gavin could tell the truth, he could, too. “Yeah. It was.”
Gavin patted the couch next to him. “Come. Sit down. Let’s talk about this.”
What else could Zach do but what Gavin asked? He didn’t evenwantto fight it. He understood, maybe a little better now, when they were in bed, pressed together skin to skin, kissing like it was going out of style, why Gavin let him take control.
“First off,” Gavin said and leaned in, brushing a tender kiss across Zach’s mouth. “Hi, again.”
He pulled back, but Zach chased him, kissing him more firmly, now that he knew it was okay. Gavin made a soft, rumbling noise of satisfaction in the back of his throat as they kissed, Zach’s tongue in his mouth, Gavin’s fingertips digging into his shoulders.
But just when Zach began the internal debate of whether they should take this to the bedroom or just fuck on the couch, Gavin pulled back.
“I said we should talk,” Gavin said, looking amused and also aroused. He licked his lips, and Zach almost leaned in again.
But he was trying to be an adult about this, not just a horny teenager who’d finally figured out that his crush was mutual.
“We can talk,” Zach said.
Gavin took a deep breath, settling back on the couch, too far away from Zach already. “I know what you were trying to do, and I appreciate the gesture. I can’t say this daywasn’thard for me, every other year.”
Zach didn’t say anything, because what was there to say? Gavin was always going to grieve his wife, and part of Zach didn’t even want it to be different because that loyalty, that depth of feeling, was part of what made GavinGavin.Part of what made him the man that Zach was so gone for.
“But,” Gavin continued, “I didn’t need you to give me space. It wasn’t . . .it’s gotten easier to compartmentalize the grief. To feel it and then put it away, where it belongs, in a box on the shelf. I’m probably never going tonotfeel it, but it doesn’t need to run my life, anymore.”
“That sounds . . .really healthy,” Zach said slowly.
“My therapist told me I put the work in, and he’s right. I did. That was a lot of it. But you also reminded me that I wasn’t dead yet, either. As a friend and as more.” Gavin exhaled, his gaze so soft. “So much more. You have to know . . .maybe I brought myself back, most of the way, but that last ten percent? I did it, because you were so freaking irresistible.”
Zach grinned. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Gavin rolled his eyes, but he was so fond. “I told myself I didn’t want to feel this way ever again, but it happened anyway. I couldn’t even stop it, and the truth is, I didn’t want to. It feels so good.Youmake me so happy.”
“You make me happy too.” It felt like the right thing to do, to lean in, and kiss Gavin again. Just so Zach didn’t confess his love again. He’d done it a handful of times, but he was trying not to push Gavin. Itsoundedlike he loved him, but things were so good, Zach couldn’t say he missed actually hearing the words.
Their lips brushed together, firm and sweet, but then Gavin pulled back again, one of his hands reaching up to cup Zach’s cheek. “What I’m trying to say is I loveyou.”
Zach had just told himself he was fine not hearing the words, but the moment Gavin said it, he realized that was total bullshit. Hehadneeded them.
It was why he’d felt so uncertain today; not entirely sure where he’d stood.
But Gavin had just made it as plain as he could.
He was with Zach now; helovedZach now.
“God, I love you too,” Zach said roughly and pulled Gavin in, mouth moving against his own, until he was nearly squirming into Zach’s lap.
“Come on.” Zach slid his hand down Gavin’s back, resting against the tantalizing curve of Gavin’s ass. “Let’s go to bed.”
“Before we do . . .I . . .” Gavin took a deep breath, suddenly looking awkward again.
“What is it?” Zach pressed their foreheads together. “You can tell me anything. Whatever you want, I’m going to do my best to give it to you.”
“First off, Idowant you to fuck me,” Gavin said.
Zach chuckled, heat winding its way through him, making his dick even harder. “That’s not going to be a problem.”
“And . . .I really enjoy what we do most of the time, but I want this to be different. Just me and you.”
Gavin didn’t need to say the words, or ask for it, but Zach understood what he wasn’t saying:I want you to make love to me.
