Page 140 of Breaking the Ice
“Don’t doubt it, okay? Because I’ve seen it in your face, every time you talk about Zach, for months now. He’s special, and even more than that, he’s special toyou.”
“Don’t have to tellmethat,” Gavin said.
He barely was hung up with Jon before he had his phone out, sending Zach a handful of texts.
Where are you?
You’re not avoiding me because it’s February 1, are you?
If you are, we need to talk. I’m home. Will be home the rest of the day.Come find me.
Zach’s phone buzzed on the desk next to his laptop. He was trying to get ahead on his reading—taking notes, outlining possible essay topics, anything to avoid thinking of whatGavinwas going to be thinking about today.
He glanced down at his phone, surprised the texts were from Gavin.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t realized February 1 was approaching. He had. But they’d also been so busy with the team and the power play changes and then there had been their relationship—which was incredible and so much hotter in the bedroom than Zach had ever anticipated.
It had been so easy to lose himself to it, to pretend that everything was going to be okay—that itwasokay—then all of a sudden, the next day was February 1, and Gavin was casually mentioning having a therapy call in the afternoon and everything inside Zach had frozen.
He’dseemedfine, kissing Zach goodnight with the same sweet enthusiasm that he always did.
Zach had spent a mostly sleepless night trying to figure out what the fuck he should do, and the only answer he’d come up with was maybe it was for the best if he gave Gavin the space he needed.
He’d told Zach that he wasn’t going to be perfect at this. Zach had understood that to mean he was still going to grieve for his wife, and that was more than okay, it was totally expected.
He never once felt like Gavin wasn’t really happy with him, now, and that was all that mattered, really.
But still, he’d spent the whole day with a knot in his stomach. Not worried, exactly, that Gavin would live through thisanniversary and decide, at the end of it, that he didn’t want to be with Zach after all. But that he’d be sad. That he’d remember how it felt to be so miserable.
If Gavin’s mind was that changeable, he never would have told Sidney about them. They wouldn’t be planning the best way to tell the team.
No—Gavin was in this.
And if his texts were any indication . . .come find me, Gavin had said.
That was the easiest thing in the whole damn world.
Zach shoved his laptop into his backpack and took off like a shot.
He half-jogged, half-speed walked to Gavin’s house, and once he got there, hesitated on the porch. He had the door code now and let himself in all the time, but this wasFebruary 1.
But then, what had Gavin said? Zach fumbled for his phone.You’re not avoiding me because its February 1, are you?was written there, right in black and white. Like Gavin wassurprisedthat Zach would give him space. Like he was goddamn surprised that Zach might think heneededspace.
Zach opened the door.
Gavin was on the couch, the Knights-Oilers game on the TV, playing at a low volume. He glanced up as Zach toed off his sneakers and set down his backpack.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” Zach replied, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He didn’t move to take the seat next to Gavin, even though he knew he should.
Zach didn’t know why he was suddenly so nervous. He’d beentryingto do the right thing in a prickly situation.
He could never be Gavin’s wife. He didn’t think Gavin even wanted him to be Noelle, but if he could only be Zach, what did thatmean? Before today, he’d thought he’d known, but the deeper they got into this, the harder the question was to dismiss. The more impossible it was to answer.
Gavin raised an eyebrow. “So thiswasabout you avoiding me today, then?”
Of course Gavin would cut right through the awkwardness with blunt honesty.
