Page 101 of Breaking the Ice
“I think . . .” Gavin scrubbed a hand across his face. “I think you might be right. I think . . .God, I think Zach might be right.”
“Possibly,” Jon said, but he was smiling now.
“I really, really fucked this up, didn’t I?”
“Positively, I don’t think it’ll be that hard to win Zach’s forgiveness,” Jon soothed.
“You think?” Gavin had thought it was impossible to do what Sidney had asked and convince Zach to change his mind—and maybe he still couldn’t. Maybe he’d made Zach so angry, pushed him away so hard that he wouldn’t be willing to rescind his resignation. But he could at least apologize. Tell Zach he wanted him. Tell him he wanted to kiss him again, andmore.
Jon rolled his eyes. “He’s clearly crazy about you, Gavin. He didn’t quit in a fit of pique because you turned him down. He quit because he can’t be around you andnotdate you.”
“How do you know that?”
Jon shot him a knowing look. “It’s not that hard to figure out. He didn’t quit before, when you told him point-blank you weren’t going to date him. He only quit now because he’d tired of watching you pretend that you’re just coworkers. Just friends.”
They weren’t just friends. Gavin could acknowledge that to himself, now.
Theywerefriends, yes, but almost from the beginning, when he’d arrived back in Portland, he’d felt more.
Wantedmore.
“I think you just need to lay out your feelings, your concerns, and your mental state. See if he’s still willing,” Jon said. “Andadditionally, we’re going back to two appointments a week.”
“What?”
Jon made an impatient noise. “You’re not suddenly fine because you’ve figured out that you want this, Gavin.”
“I’ve done years of therapy, I do get that,” Gavin said dryly.
“And if you want this to work with Zach, I recommend you keep doing it,” Jon said. “That meansactuallytalking about the shit you don’t want to talk about. Like your guilt. And why you didn’t want to date again in the first place. That shit doesn’t just go away.”
“Right. Yeah.” Gavin sighed. “So you think I should just . . .apologize? Say I’ve changed my mind? Grovel?”
“Maybe a combination of all those? Have some honest and open communication,” Jon said, smiling knowingly.
“You would say that,” Gavin said, rolling his eyes. “Such a fucking therapist.”
Jon barked out a laugh. “You’re not wrong. I’ll send some times and dates, to set up the appointments, alright? And keep me posted.”
“I will.” Gavin took an unsteady breath. “If I need an emergency session again . . .I don’t want to fuck this up even worse with him . . .”
“I’ve got you,” Jon said warmly. “And you’ve got this. Your heart’s in the right place, Gavin.”
“I hope so.”God, I hope so.
After getting off the call, Gavin took a quick shower, threw some clothes on, and set off. First he checked the library, weaving his way through the stacks and tables, checking each study room to make sure he hadn’t missed Zach. But he wasn’t there. Next he swung by Sammy’s, and then Jimmy’s, but their regular tables were empty.
He had to give himself a pep talk after dropping by the gym. Still nothing. Classes weren’t starting up for another week, so he couldn’t be there.
Gavin supposed Zach could be at his apartment, but it felt like he wasneverthere during the day, unless he couldn’t help it. He always complained it was too quiet. Too lonely. Gavin had never hesitated to give him his company in the evenings, when he couldn’t avoid going back there, during their nightly phone calls.
Unless you made him so fucking miserable he doesn’t want to leave.
Taking a deep breath, Gavin switched directions and headed towards the small complex Zach lived in.
His heart was racing, barely contained in his chest, when he knocked on Zach’s door.
Thirty seconds passed. He pounded on it again. And again.
