Page 73 of Like An Animal
Do I just let her hug me or…
I reach down my hand and awkwardly pat her back as she holds on tight.
Then, as if to ruin the moment, Xavi speaks, “Goddamn it, Jer. She’s not a dog and even if she was, patting her isn’t the way to do it. Bron really needs to teach you how to give a proper hug.”
I glare at him, but I’m not the one who speaks.
“Hush,” Charlotte whispers before tightening her arms around my legs.
“Did she just hush me?” Xavi’s eyes widen and I struggle to hold in a chuckle. Yeah, she did.
That’s my girl.
“That’s just mean. You’re already rubbing off on her, Jer.”
Then, as if he sensed drama, the front door opens and Massimo walks in holding a big bag of fast food. Charlotte lets go of my leg and I am crushed by a feeling of loss, something I didn’t think I was capable of feeling anymore.
She screams for food as she runs toward Massimo and my gaze drifts to my little ghost who seems impassive, but also irritated.
What I really want to know is why the fuck she was so against Charlotte knowing that I’m her father?
CHAPTER 31
THE GHOST
This is not good. I should’ve just lied to Jeremy and told him that Lottie’s father was dead. I could’ve made up a name and circumstance. Now, my daughter knows who her father is and that has complicated everything.
She has never looked as happy as she did when she hugged Jeremy’s legs, like she just found her home. It hurt my heart because it was more than I could ever hope for and the one thing I could never give her. It’s also something that will disappear when we have to run again.
Maybe we’re safe from The Fathers in this compound with all of their guards, but what about when Jeremy has us moved? Will there be as many guards then?
Will it be in an undisclosed location where no one outside those walls knows that Bronwyn Durst and her child are there? Doubt it. If The Fathers want to find me and Lottie, Jeremy will be the first person they look for. Just because he doesn’t plan to kill me or torture Lottie doesn’t change anything. We still have to leave.
Something deep down inside me doesn’t want to though. I like seeing my daughter happy and around the people sheshould’ve been with all this time. I also hate to admit that I missed them, too.
I missed Xavi, Massimo, and Jeremy. They were always the only ones I considered family.
It’s like being back home because home isn’t a place. It’s the people.
That just makes this even harder. It would’ve been hard enough if it was just Jeremy that found me, but it’s all three of them.
I stand in the corner as I watch Lottie scarf down her stack of pancakes like it’s going out of style. She always eats like a wild animal that has been starved for a week.
Massimo places a glass of milk in front of her before rubbing his hand on top of her hair, messing it up, but her head snaps up with a piece of pancake sticking out of her mouth. She points at him demandingly before saying around the piece of food, “No touchy!”
A small smile pulls at my lips from the move. She doesn’t like being touched unless she is asking for a hug, especially not when she’s eating.
She’s a lot more like Jeremy than they have realized. I like to think she is who he would be if he hadn’t gone through all the horrible things he did as a small child. Even when I asked, he couldn’t tell me when Kathy started abusing him. He said it had been going on for as long as he could remember.
At least I knew when my father started abusing me. It started slow, but I could pinpoint the first time he did something inappropriate. It was the time he was helping me out of the pool when I was four. He put his hand on my lower back and lowered it down to my butt. It shouldn’t have been something I noticed because of how small it was, but I did.
Jeremy must’ve been much younger than that for him not to remember that first time.
Anytime I think about it, I feel that hurt and love I once felt for him trying to break through, but I would push it down. Jeremy was the only one capable of hurting me, which is why I had to abandon all those feelings to survive.
Lottie needed me. She still does.
She doesn’t know much about Jeremy other than he’s her biological father. She’s only four. She won’t remember much about him when we disappear into the night. Maybe one day if someone manages to destroy The Fathers and their entire operation, we can come out into the light and make our way back to Jeremy.
