"Alright, Lola," she said gently. "I know this might be uncomfortable for you, but I'll do my best to make it as quick andpainless as possible. Just let me know if anything feels off or if you need a break."
I nodded, feeling a mix of nerves and determination. "Thank you, Natasha. I appreciate your understanding."
She smiled warmly at me before putting on the gloves and beginning the examination. As she worked, she maintained a gentle conversation, asking about my well-being and offering words of encouragement. Her presence was comforting, and I found myself relaxing into her care.
Throughout the exam, Natasha's professionalism never wavered. She explained each step thoroughly and ensured that I understood what was happening. Her expertise shone through, putting me at ease and reminding me that I was in capable hands.
After what felt like a whirlwind of a morning, the exam finally came to an end. Natasha disposed of her gloves and went into the bathroom to wash her hands, turning to face me with a smile.
"Everything looks good," she said reassuringly. "Physically, there doesn't seem to be any major issues. I did notice some tearing but that is common in this type of situation and that should heal on its own. But please remember, healing takes time, not just physically but emotionally as well."
I nodded, grateful for her words of wisdom. "Thank you, Natasha. I'll keep that in mind."
As Stallion entered the room, concern etched on his face, Natasha turned to him with a nod. "She's all set," she informed him.
Natasha collected her bag and moved toward the door, “It was nice to meet you, Lola. If you need anything don’t hesitate to call me.” With that she left.
Stallion came over and sat down on the edge of the bed. “You doing okay, Darlin?” I nodded clutching at the comforter with trembling hands. The entire exam I was fine but now I feel like Iam one second from losing it. Reaching over Stallion placed his hand over mine, “How about I make us up a couple bowls of ice cream and we can veg out to something on Netflix?”
I don’t know how he did it but he managed to pull me out of my spiral. “Actually that sounds absolutely perfect.”
“Alright, I’ll head down and get the snacks and ice cream. Just come down when you are ready.”
We spent the rest of the day on the couch binging Supernatural and eating all kinds of junk food. By the end I found myself cuddling up next to him and resting my head on his shoulder.
2 weeks later
Lola
Today’s the day! Reaper is coming home. I got up early this morning, put on this cute black sundress with little red strawberries on it that this girls bought, curled my hair and did my makeup. The stitches were removed last week but my eyebrow is definitely going to leave a scar.
“You ready, Lola?” Stallion asks, coming up behind me.
“Absolutely.” I know I’ve got the biggest grin on my face but honestly I don’t care. Today with Reaper getting out is the happiest I’ve been in so long.
Placing a hand on my back, Stallion guided me toward the door. “You’ll be in the cage with the prospect.”
Stallion helps me climb up in the van and even reaches over buckling my seatbelt. We drive at the back of the group with all the bikes in front of the van. The drive feels like it takes forever and my nerves are fried by the time we reach the parking lot.
Standing in the parking lot in front of the tall razor wire fences is surreal. It is also extremely nerve racking. My hands are sweaty, I’m jittery and I feel like I’m seconds away from hyper-ventilating.
“Lola,” Stallion steps up in front of me. “You okay?”
Finding the words right now is unmanageable but unsticking my tongue from the roof of my mouth is impossible. So, I just nod shakily.
Gently grabbing ahold of my elbow he slowly pulls me away. “We’ll be right back.” Stallion guides me to the back of the van before popping the back doors open. “Here” he gestures to the bumper and takes a seat on the other side. Reluctantly, I find myself perching on the very edge. “You look like you are about to pass out. Does it feel like your heart is beating too fast? And you feel like you can’t breathe? And like your mind is too loud?”
I nod jerkily.
“Alright Darlin’. PTSD is a bitch and often comes with anxiety and panic attacks. Okay can you sit up nice and tall for me?” Cautiously I do as he says, sitting as straight as I can he places his large hand on my back between my shoulder blades. “Perfect now you’re gonna breathe with me okay? Okay now inhale for a four count and then you will exhale for the same. 1. . .2. . .3. . .4. Alright now exhale. 1. . .2. . .3. . .4. Again.” We sat there for whatfelt like forever with him counting my breaths but in reality it was only a handful of moments. “There you go. Feeling better?”
“I am a bit. Thank you.” I respond weakly.
“No worries, Lola. I got you. You ready to rejoin the group or do you wanna sit here a bit longer?”
“I think I just need a couple minutes.”
“Do you wanna be alone or is it okay if I stay with you?”