Page 76 of Colt
The way he says that, so incredulous, so intense, feels like a shotgun blast to my chest. He’s not getting mad at me. I really expected him to. I expected him to tell me but I’m an assholefor touching her. For corrupting her. For using her while I am recovering. He’s not doing it.
“But people might think that.”
“I don’t think so. You don’t have a reputation for ever doing anything like that. I just… What I actually wanted to tell you is that I think you guys are good together.”
“What?”
“I know. But that’s why I sat on this ever since I noticed that things were off between you guys. And I’ve been noticing it. But last night confirmed it. I knew there was more going on than either of you was indicating. She… Colt, she’s in love with you.”
Everything inside of me freezes. “What?”
“She’s in love with you, man. She always has been. She thinks the sun rises and sets on you. And you… You’re a good guy. She’s dated so many losers. And I hate every single one of them.”
“You’re supposed to… You’re supposed to punch me. And tell me that I’m not good enough for her. Tell me that I can’t corrupt her like this.”
“I’m under no illusions that my sister’s a virgin of any kind, and you’re not using her, are you?”
“No. I’m not. But I… I’m not using her.”
“I know. I don’t know why you think that it has to end. I think you should try. That’s what I wanted to tell you. But I want you to give it an actual try. And if you need my help smoothing it over with Dad and Cindy…”
“No, Gentry. I don’t. Because she needs to finish nursing school, and I need to get my ship together. I’ve got to go back to the rodeo, I’ve got to win the championship. I can’t be in a relationship. Not right now. I’m… I’m too messed up. I’m too dysfunctional, and she doesn’t deserve that.”
“I’m not friends with a dysfunctional person.”
“I hate to break it to you, you are. I put on a good front, but I’m afraid I’m more like my dad than my mom, and when therubber meets the road, I am not the kind of guy that you want your sister to be shackled to for the rest of her life. Trust me on this.”
“How would you know? You’ve never tried. You keep yourself so… So emotionally separate from everyone and everything. And I see something in the two of you. I feel like she’s the person who can actually reach you. Hell, some guy talking to her last night rattled the hell out of you. And I kind of like that, Colt. I like you having to fight for it. I’m not glad that you’re hurt, but at the same time, I think this might have been what you needed. I want to see you dig deep for something.”
“I’m almost a fucking rodeo champion, Gentry, it’s not like I don’t dig deep or work hard.”
“I never said you didn’t work hard. But everything you do, all your achievements, all of that, tell me that’s not just you putting your accolades between you and other people so that you don’t have to have actual emotions.”
“Fuck you.”
“That’s how it’s going to be? You’re going to admit that you’re sleeping with my sister, and then you’re going to be the one getting angry?”
“It’s just… It’s a little bit too neat, don’t you think? Fate brought our parents together and…” I shake my head. “Sorry. I shouldn’t say fate. Like it was meant to be. It wasn’t meant to be that your mom died.”
“I don’t know why the things that happen happen,” Gentry says. “Fate or otherwise. I have no insight. I don’t know if there’s a grand plan, divine design, or if everything is just desperately random. If a butterfly beats its wing next to a babbling brook that means we’ll have six more weeks of winter, and someone you love will die. I don’t know. What I do know is that life is random. Because it’s difficult. Because it often sucks, when youget something good, you need to hang onto it with both hands. And I think my sister could be really good for you.”
“Can I be really good for her?”
There’s a long silence between the two of us. “I think that would depend on you.”
“And I don’t like that bet. She and I have already discussed it. She’s got her life, her goals, I have mine. You can see why we wanted to keep it a secret. Because there’s just no point. There’s no point letting all this out. No point in having to make it the subject of gossip. Or family drama.”
“I think you’re making a mistake.”
“Great,” I say. “I’ll make a note of that. But you think it’s a mistake. But I think in the future, you won’t feel that way. I think you’ll feel exactly like I do. That it was for the best that she and I let each other grow. For what it’s worth, being with her has made me better. I don’t know what I’ve done for her. But she’s made me think about things I never have. She’s a pretty incredible woman.”
“I know.”
“There’s a difference between it meaning nothing and it being forever.”
“Great. Glad he filled me in.”
“You’re not changing your opinion, are you?”
