Page 88 of Colt
“Colt,” I whisper. I reach out, and I put my hand on his face. “You really hurt me.”
“I know.”
“But you’re not dead.”
“What does that mean?” He looks at me, mystified.
“It means that there’s always a chance. I told you that I wanted to fight. I meant that. I mean it. Right now. I want to fight for us. For this. Because I love you. Because I know what it’s like to just have to accept when something can’t make it, but we can. I love you. And I can forgive you. For hurting me. For breaking us up. Because you’re here. You don’t need to be good enough for me. You don’t need to be a golden boy. You don’t need to be anything. Not anything except you. You forget, I’ve known you since we were kids. I’ve known a lot of versions of you.”
He steps forward, takes my hand and presses it to his chest. “I’m sorry that I made us wait this long. I’m sorry that it took me a month to get my shit together.”
I’m glad it did, honestly. Now, standing there, staring at him, my shattered heart slowly knitting itself back together in my chest, I’m glad it happened. We faced the worst thing between us, so we can face everything else. Everyone else. All the fallout – whatever that will look like. The shift in our family dynamic, in our lives.
I’m going to start a new career. He’s going to…we don’t know yet.
Now we know how much we can handle. And I know he’ll choose me because he did it now. He stared down what scared him most, and he chose to come back to me. To risk himself emotionally.
I’m glad he took the time, even though it hurt, because it’s why I know my answer now, too.
“It’s okay. It’s okay that it did. Because we’re going to have forever, aren’t we?”
“Wearegoing to have forever, and a whole town full of people talking about us.”
“I don’t mind that. I really don’t. Because you and I, we don’t need to please anyone else. Only us.”
It’s like a burden has been lifted off of him, I can see it. And I really see him for the first time. This man, who has spent his whole life trying to be worthy of the accolades he’s gotten, of the way that people feel about him.
“You know, I just loved you. The whole time. Before you ever made something of yourself. Before you were ever any kind of champion. And I will always love you. Because with us, cowboy, it’s always a perfect ride.”
He bends down and picks me up, and I gasp. Because the whole time, he hasn’t been able to do this. We’ve never been able to do this. “Oh,” I say.
“God, I’ve been wanting to do this forever,” he says. “And I just… I love you, Allison. I love you. I’ve always thought that in life, if you didn’t have guts, you couldn’t have glory. But I’ve been brave about the wrong things. This… This is the bravest thing two people can do. Just love each other.”
I smile, because he’s right. The world is scary and dangerous. It’s filled with dark and terrible things. But it’s filled with light and hope, and the extraordinary passion that two people can feel for each other. It’s a gift. I’m so glad that we both get to grab ontoit with everything we are. I’m so grateful that I didn’t just accept anything. I’m so grateful I fought for him. For us.
I lean in and kiss him on the mouth. “You’re good enough just the way you are.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Colt
We tore the apartment up last night.
Part of my apology tour, which I don’t think is going to be over anytime soon.
Not because she’s holding anything against me. No. She told me she loved me last night more times than I can count, and I made sure to say it two times to her every one, because I owe her.
“What exactly do you want to do?” I ask while lying in her bed, staring at the unfamiliar ceiling. “We can long distance. If that makes you more comfortable. I know you’re doing school, and I’m not doing much of anything but lying around, then healing myself.”
She props herself up on her elbow and looks at me. “Is that what you want to do?”
I turn toward her. “Hell no. I want to move in with you. Or to have you move in with me. But I’m the one who messed up.”
“You’re not on probation,” she says, leaning in and kissing me on the nose. Which is far too sweet given the circumstances. She sits up.
“I’m going to need you to forgive yourself, because your self-loathing is actually the problem. You made a mistake. That’s all. It’s not a mistake that comes from nothing.”
I sit with that for a moment. “I’m just really sorry that I hurt you.”
