Page 53 of Colt
When I thought only about thefeelings, not the intense physicality.
Seeing this expression on his face feels illegal.
I have to turn away.
He taps my hip and I climb off of him. “Are you okay?” I ask, feeling worried I did something to hurt him.
He throws his head back, and he laughs. “Am I okay?” He laughs, and keeps on laughing. “That is the weirdest question I’ve ever been asked after sex.”
“Well, I might have… Hurt you.”
“I’m not hurt.”
His gaze is roaming everywhere but my face. He seems completely distracted from my body. And that I like. That doesn’t freak me out. That makes me feel good, in fact.
“Do you need help with…” I look down meaningfully at his naked body. The condom.
“Please,” he says. “I’ve got it. Just hand me my crutches.”
I do, and I watch how much easier he’s maneuvering now. Apparently, I didn’t harm him with the vigorous sex.
Sex. Colt and I had sex. Oh God.
I sit down on the couch while he goes into the bathroom. I cover my mouth. I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry.
Chapter Eleven
Colt
I’m still not sure if I just had a fever dream or if all that really happened. Not even as I pull the condom off and throw it into the trash can do I really feel certain that it’s reality.
Except my brain is buzzing, and my body feels more satisfied than it has in a hell of a long time, so it has to be real.
Yeah. It has to be real.
I just fucked my stepsister.
I look up, and I see my reflection in the mirror. I half expect to see a monster staring back at me. Because who does that? Who puts his entire family dynamic in jeopardy to get laid? I brace my hands on the counter.
“You do,” I say to my reflection. “You do. You’re your fucking dad.”
Ouch. That actually hurts. Even though it came from me.
I feel gross. That comparison makes me feel gross. The sex with Allison made me feel great. It’s more that IwishI could regret it. That’s the problem. I know that I should. I know the comparison to my dad is apt. Because he was definitely the kindof man who took his pleasure into consideration far above what anyone in the situation needed.
I let her smooth-talk the consequences away. I didn’t have to do that. I knew exactly what I was doing. And part of me relished it.
Because my attraction to her has been the one taboo thing that I’ve avoided all this time. My attraction to her has been something that I’ve suppressed.
So when she came in, looking so cute in that sweatsuit, wearing nothing underneath it – I just had a feeling, given that she was obviously right out of the shower – I thought… Why not? Why shouldn’t I have her? I’m being denied the rodeo. I’m being denied my physical fitness. My good health. Denying myself Allison feels like one thing too many. Once she kissed me… It was over.
“Scumbag,” I say to my reflection. I wait to be bothered by it.
I’m just not.
I take a deep breath and pause in my bedroom. I decide that I need to get dressed before going out there. Walking on crutches naked is kind of absurd. I don’t need any visible bouncing happening in front of her.
I scowl as I dress. I’m not entirely steady after what just happened.
