Page 48 of Colt
It’s enough to make me want to run away. Because this is everything I’ve ever been afraid to fantasize about. This was my deepest fear. That there was something with him that I was never going to be able to find with anyone else. And that if I couldn’t have it with him, I would never have it. Not with anyone.
Maybe we’ll never have it again.
Or maybe this is the learning experience I need.
That same voice that drove me here pops up now. But right as I’m about to encourage myself forward, he breaks the kiss.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“What?”
“After… What’s happening?”
“I was thinking.”
“No. I don’t believe that you were thinking. This is not thinking behavior.”
This is crazy. I know that it is. But I don’t want to stop. Besides, this isn’t one day, one comment in the making. This is a lifetime full of fantasies building up to this one moment. This one incredible moment.
“I think we can help each other,” I say.
“Help?”
He sounds out of breath. Horny, like I am. And I can tell that he’s ready to make the same bargain with reality that I already did.
Whatever lie you have to tell yourself in order to get some. I know I’m ready.
“You want to… You want to get your groove back. And I… had some really disappointing sex.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’ve had some really disappointing sex.”
“Yeah, sorry, I did. The first time. I just don’t quite know what to say to that.”
“I feel like the sex between us wouldn’t be disappointing.”
He lifts a brow. “Oh. It wouldn’t be. But this seems to have come out of nowhere, and yesterday you were ticked off at the idea of me using you. So I need to know exactly what change.” He grabs my hips, and sets me back a pace. “What changed, sweetheart?”
“I…” I’m short-circuiting because he called me sweetheart. Honestly, he probably calls every woman he touches that. Every woman who isn’t related to him. I should probably be offended. I should probably take it as him minimizing me. Minimizing us. But I don’t. I don’t, because I find it hot, and I’m that basic. Oh God, I’m so basic.
But I’m willing to just basic bitch my way to multiple orgasms.
I’m willing to let all of reality slide. This is what I’ve always been afraid of. Honestly. This is why I’ve always kept that metaphorical furniture piled up against the door. I was afraid that if it cracked, even a little bit, I would be charging through it uninvited.
Here I am, doing just that. My resistance is nothing. My desire is everything.
“I…” Am I going to do this? Am I going to debase myself?
“Nothing has changed,” I say.
Yes. I am. I’m doing this. I’m jumping right in. “I’ve wanted this for a long time. You. Me. Sex.”
“You… You’re kidding me.” He looks shocked. Shook. He looks like he has no idea what I’m talking about. And I feel… Proud of my younger self? I guess that’s weird. I feel proud of my younger self because she managed to hide it. She kept her pride. She did what needed to be done. Because apparently he’s not completely aware of my long-standing feelings for him. So I guess there’s that.
“Yeah. I wanted you before our parents got married. I had a crush on you. And then you moved in, and it got worse, and that’s why I’m mean to you. Because I want to fuck you.”
“Did you just… Did you just gender swap picking on somebody because you like them?”
