Page 31 of Here Comes Trouble
All she could think about now was exactly which bits of Xander she’d like to get her hands on. Her mind flew to an image of his magnificent body, prostrate on her bed, with him wearing only that mesmerising smile. She pictured herself leaning over him, lowering her lips to his as she attempted to kiss away all the pain that kept him so distant from the rest of the world…
‘Jess?’ He was frowning at her now, as if he was afraid she’d walked through a door marked ‘Away with the Fairies’ and wasn’t coming back.
‘Yeah?’ she smoothed her hands over her hair in an attempt to straighten herself out. Neat hair, neat mind.
‘You okay?’
‘Fine.’ She stared out across the lake, attempting to bring herself back to reality.
‘Did you go to college or university to study art?’ she asked to fill the uncomfortable silence.
Putting his plate down, he leant back on his arms and looked out across the water. ‘Neither; I’m mostly self-taught. I left school when I left home at sixteen without any qualifications so no college would have touched me with a bargepole. I messed up a lot at school because of having to work late into the evenings and being too tired to concentrate. Then I started skipping a lot because I couldn’t keep up with the lessons and ended up feeling stupid, and I hated that. So when I left, I didn’t exactly have a bright and shiny future ahead of me. Art was the only subject I enjoyed at school. It was the one thing I felt I was actually good at, and I had an amazing teacher who really encouraged me. Unfortunately, I wasn’t in the right mind-set at that age to put enough effort into my lessons – I didn’t think for a second I could make any money out of it, and that’s all that concerned me at the time – so it just became a hobby. After I left school, I used to go out in the dead of night with a crew and paint my street art on the walls of public buildings as a kind of release from the boredom of my existence. Art helped me channel the rage I felt that I didn’t feel able to express in words.’
Jess experienced a swell of outrage for him. ‘I can’t believe no one at the school realised you needed more help and support.’
‘Yeah, well, it was an underprivileged area and there were other kids a lot worse off than me. And to be honest, I wasn’t interested in their help. I wanted to prove to myself I could manage on my own.’
Jess thought about her own cushy upbringing. Despite the feeling of never managing to become the daughter her mother wanted, she’d never had to worry about coping without enough food or sleep.
Shame washed over her in a hot wave, prickling at her skin, as she realised she’d allowed herself to pre-judge Xander, before finding out the reasons for him acting the way he did. It wasn’t because he got off on it and enjoyed the notoriety – although that obviously played a small part – it was because he was trying to live his life at triple the speed to make up for what he’d lost in the past.
She couldn’t fault him for that.
‘Well, I think you’re incredible,’ she blurted. ‘Look at what you’ve done with your life. You’ve made it count with no support and no qualifications.’
‘Yeah, well, I’m stubborn like that,’ he said with a smile.
‘It’s impressive.’
‘Thanks.’ He readjusted his position on the rug, drawing his body closer to her.
An intense longing rushed through her, taking her right to the edge of her comfort zone. If she thought she’d wanted him before, it was nothing to how much she wanted him now. These insights into his character both fascinated and terrified her – she could totally see why he kept himself so emotionally distant from his partners – but did that mean he’d never be able to settle down with one person?
From what he’d said the night before, it certainly sounded as if he’d decided that was the case.
But was there scope to change his mind?
Don’t even think about it, Jess.
‘How did your father react when you became so successful?’ she asked, trying to steer her thoughts back to safer ground. ‘He must have been proud of you for what you’ve achieved?’
Xander barked out a harsh laugh, making her jump. ‘Are you kidding? He never turned up to see any of the stuff I showcased. He thought art was a waste of time. He thought I was a waste of time.’
‘So you never reconciled things with him? Even after you left home and hit the big time?’
‘You could say that. The last time we laid eyes on each other he told me he wished I hadn’t been born because then my mother would still be alive.’
‘Oh my God, Xander, that’s awful.’
He shrugged, clearly going for cool nonchalance but as she continued to look at him he turned away so she couldn’t see his face any more.
‘But he raised you. He must have cared about you in some way,’ she said, quietly.
‘It was a long time ago, Jess, I barely even think about it any more.’
He was lying, she could tell. It was obvious from the clip in his voice and the way his body had become rigid with tension.
She put a hand on his arm but he pulled it away and threw his plate back into the hamper.
