Page 62 of Best Mistake Ever
Despite desperately hoping he’ll change his mind and come back to the flat, I don’t see or hear from Jonah again that day. Or the next.
Deep down, I know that if he was going to come back, he’d have done it by now.
So, I guess that’s it for us. It’s over as quickly as it started.
If only it didn’t feel like I’ve had a hole ripped in my chest and my heart removed.
I never thought it would be possible to fall in love with someone so quickly and so deeply, but I was wrong about that.
I wish to goodness I wasn’t.
I miss him. And I miss going to Gladbrooke. It had started to feel like a new life, one I could get excited about. One I wanted to hold onto and grow into. One I properly belonged in.
It had had real purpose and a clear, foreseeable future. Something my working life up till that point hadn’t had. As determined as I was to work with Jem and build our fledgling business, it had always felt a little nebulous. As if we were playing at being adults and business owners – not that we could even call ourselves that yet with the company in its infancy.
Needing to distract myself from thinking about Jonah, I have a quick shower, get dressed in my business clothes and go over to my flat-cum-office, glad of the change of scene. Once there, I make myself a strong coffee and open up my email, only to find a mail telling me Jem and I have been rejected for our funding application.
So that’s the end of that too.
In some ways, it’s a relief because I’ve had a nagging feeling recently that it wasn’t what I really wanted to do; I was just too afraid to admit it. Not just to Jem, but to my dad. Mostly to my dad, if I’m honest. I know he’s going to be really disappointed when I tell him the business is already dead in the water.
He’s always had such high hopes for me and I’m going to let him down.
Though, honestly, surprisingly, I find I don’t care about that as much as I care that I’ll never see Jonah again.
It had really felt like we connected, on such a deep, organic level.
That we’re meant to be together.
The whole of my being hurts at the thought that that can never happen now. I well and truly messed it up by trying to live Dee’s life for her.
Or maybe for me?
Huh. Yes, I think that might be it. I wanted a new direction, so I tried to steal hers.
I should have listened to Jem. He was right. I never should have got involved in this crazy plan of Dee’s.
But then I never would have met Jonah.
And I don’t regret the time I spent with him, not one bit, despite how I’m feeling now.
Better to have loved and lost, and all that.
Isn’t it?
I put my head in my hands and stare down at my keyboard.
What now though? For the first time in my life, I find myself with no idea about the next steps to take.
Jonah
It’s been nearly a week now, since I last saw Bea, and the heavy ache in my chest still hasn’t gone away.
I’ve been walking around the hotel in a complete daze, not really engaging with anything going on around me. Luckily, we’re quiet for bookings at the moment and Cara’s taken up the slack, stepping in for me after I told her I had some personal issues to deal with.
I know she’s probably guessed it’s to do with Dee, but I haven’t admitted to being duped by the ridiculous sister swap for fear of looking like a complete chump.
I’m probably projecting, but it seems like the whole atmosphere of the hotel has changed since Bea left though. It feels silent and devoid of warmth now. She really brought the place to life while she was here. And me too, of course.
