Page 47 of Best Mistake Ever
‘Yeah, I do.’
‘I guess she reminded me of the fun I used to have at my uni parties at the house. I stupidly thought a combo of her and the house would be amazing, but it turned out they cancelled each other out.’
We sit quietly for a moment, both staring off across the water. The whole side of my body next to her is prickling with awareness.
‘So what happened after Jack accused you of trapping her?’
I take a steadying breath, the memory of that awful day making adrenaline surge through my veins. ‘I saw the moment she made up her mind about which of us to take sides with. And which she was happy to shame.’
I scuff my shoes against the ground, not able to look at her now. She doesn’t say anything, just lets me talk. Now I’ve finally started to, it’s all pouring out of me, as if it’s been trapped inside me for too long and I can’t stop it.
‘I’d never been so humiliated in my life. I felt totally alone, like I’d been made to look a laughing stock in every way possible. So I lost my rag. I stormed towards him, in what must have looked like a really menacing way, and he responded by aiming a punch at me, but missing me completely; I think he was too drunk to have landed anything at that point anyway. I swung back at him in retaliation, catching him right on the nose, and he went down. I’m not proud of it. I shouldn’t have done it, I know that, but I was so fucking angry. I was in a blind rage. Anyway, Tessa was right there at his side, checking he was okay and when she saw I’d broken his nose, she went mad. She got up, yelling at me that I was a bully and a gaslighter and that she’d never loved me, that Jack was right, I’d tricked her into something she’d never wanted.’
I take a shuddery breath deep into my lungs. ‘I told her she was a crazy bitch – again, I’m not proud of using those words. Totally unacceptable.’ I rub my hand over my face in agitation.
‘That’s when she ran at me and shoved me hard in the chest. I lost my footing and stumbled backwards into the lake. The water was freezing, but even worse, she’d pushed me into a really shallow, muddy bit, so when I resurfaced, I looked like a bloody swamp monster. I was so furious by this point, I resembled something from a horror movie emerging from its dark lair. And the reason I know this is because one of Tessa’s friends filmedthe whole thing on their mobile and in the aftermath of this entire shitshow, Tessa and Jack edited it into a meme where I call her a “crazy bitch” and she pushes me into the mud in retaliation. They plastered it all over her social media to the delight of her hundreds of thousands of followers. A “Reverse Darcy” they called it, referencing that scene in thePride and PrejudiceBBC drama where Darcy comes out of the water looking like a hot hero. According to the internet, I personify the exact opposite of that. It was everywhere, that meme, for ages. I couldn’t leave the house without someone shouting that fucking catchphrase at me. So I just stayed at home and drank and let everything go to hell. Till Harry staged an intervention and forced me to get sober. And just as I was getting back on my feet, I hired you. And thank God I did. You’ve really helped me get back on track with what I’ve wanted to do with the place. It feels much morepossibleagain now. So thanks for that.’
I look at her now, wondering what sort of expression I’m going to see on her face. I’m hoping hard that it’s not pity.
It’s not.
She’s smiling at me, like she gets where I’m coming from. That she getsme.
Incredibly, I think telling Dee about what happened with Tessa has taken the sting out of it and the pain I’ve been carrying around with me since she left seems to have dissipated a little.
‘You’re most welcome,’ she says, her voice full of warmth.
We stare at each other for a little longer than colleagues should.
My heartbeat picks up and I feel it thumping away in my chest.
There’s a moment where I think she’s going to say something else and I hold my breath, hoping it’s that she’s changed her mind about wanting to kiss me again.
My gaze automatically drops to her beautiful mouth and I have to forcibly wrench it away and look back into her eyes.
Her pupils are blown and she blinks rapidly, like she’s trying to hold something back.
The air between us is heavy with possibility.
God, I really fucking want her. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t stop these feelings surfacing, no matter how hard I try.
Dee suddenly breaks eye contact and I jump a little as she slaps her hands onto her thighs then starts to get up. ‘I guess we ought to get back.’ There’s an expression on her face that I can’t read now. Is it confusion? Frustration? Or is she just tired of my company? Did I go too far giving her a blow-by-blow of my break-up with Tessa?
I want to ask her what’s going through her head, but something in her manner warns me not to. It’s as if she’s decided we’ve concluded everything we need to deal with here and now and she’s keen to get back.
My heart sinks. I was having such a good time with her and was actually feeling better after talking to her about all my shit with Tessa.
But I guess I went too far.
She’s not my counsellor; she’s my colleague.
So, it really is time to go.
We walk in silence back to the car park, get into the car and I drive away without us exchanging another word.
It seems we’re both out of conversation now.
And I’m not sure why, but this feels like the end of something.
