Page 46 of Best Mistake Ever
‘Nope. At least that’s the narrative she’s made famous on her social media channels.’ I rub my hand over my hair, then look ather with a rueful expression. ‘I keep asking myself how the fuck I became that guy.’
‘You don’t know?’
‘Well, yeah. I do. Through poor judgement and a certain degree of self-importance.’
She shoots me a confused frown and I realise I’m going to have to tell her the whole sorry tale now. I can’t just leave it at that.
And the thing is, I want to. Because, instinctively, I trust her. I don’t believe she’ll hold it against me. It just doesn’t seem in her nature to do that. She’s too kind.
So, I let out a long, low sigh and let it all flow out of me.
‘I met Tessa at a party backstage after one of my band’s gigs, about three years ago. We were just starting to break through and things were going well for us. She was often at the muso parties I went to, so I’d seen her around a lot. She was a real party girl, always the centre of attention in any group. She’s a beautiful woman and she really knows it. Famous for being famous, one of those types. When I met her, she’d just started to get traction as an influencer on social media and a high-profile spirits company were starting to sponsor her posts. She was absolutely in her element. As was I. I’d been on a real high about becoming a professional musician before the press – then everyone else – began to tear me down, but after months and months of bad reviews and a lot of shit posts about me and how untalented I am appearing regularly on social media, it all began to wear a bit thin. I got pretty depressed about it, to be honest. It had been the first time in my life I’d felt as if I was doing something of some worth, but I wasn’t allowed to enjoy it.
‘I started drinking and partying hard. And a lot. Tessa came along for the ride with me, which wasn’t great because we just enabled each other. It got so bad, I started turning up to gigs absolutely shit-faced and couldn’t play. So the band kicked meout. That was the point I realised I needed to change something in my life. It turned out it was the dream of being a musician. It brought me nothing but trouble. In the end, I realised I wasn’t cut out for a career in the music industry. I was never going to equal my old man. So I took the decision to step away and not perform in public any more.
‘I spun out after that and ended up in rehab. My dad offered to let me stay and recover at Gladbrooke and I got really attached to the place again. So when he decided to sell the house, I had the bright idea of taking it on and running it as a boutique hotel. It felt like an opportunity for a fresh start and the chance at a new direction in life. Not that I had any experience in being a hotelier. At all. Tessa wasn’t exactly delighted by the idea either. She wanted to be the girlfriend of a rock star, or the lauded son of one of the most famous rock stars in the world, I guess. That was great for her profile. But being the girlfriend of a depressed hotelier, not so much.’
I flash Dee a rueful grin, but she presses her mouth into a hard line and shakes her head.
I’m grateful for her understanding. The humiliation of what happened has hung around me like a bad smell for so long, it’s great to finally start feeling like I’m shaking it off.
‘As soon as I made the decision to give up being a musician, she started to lose interest in me. But she came along to Gladbrooke, albeit reluctantly. I thought she was actually up for giving this new lifestyle a go with me at first. That she loved me enough to try, at least.’
I tear my gaze away and stare straight ahead, hoping she won’t notice the heat flooding my face. This is really hard to talk about, but surprisingly, I feel okay telling Dee about it. I don’t think she’ll go and blab the whole thing to other people.
‘It came to a head when she started documenting our life, but flat-out lying about a lot of what we were doing and howsolid our relationship was. I really wasn’t into the idea of being involved in that. I was resistant to being in photos anyway, especially when she was advertising things. It didn’t sit well with me. I’m actually a very private person when it comes to my personal life, and I’m especially sensitive after all the shit the press wrote about me when I was partying and performing, so I wasn’t keen on putting my life out there for people to scrutinise.
‘This really frustrated Tessa though. She used to get angry with me and accuse me of trying to sabotage her livelihood. I have to admit, I wasn’t happy about what she did for a living. I find the whole influencer thing really objectionable. The falseness of it grates on me. But it was her career, so I put up with it.’
We reach the river and I gesture for us to sit down on the grassy bank. She nods and sits, wrapping her arms around her knees and waits for me to continue with my story.
I flop down next to her and stare off across to the other side of the bank, where a mature weeping willow dips its branches into the slow-flowing water.
‘Things hadn’t been going well between us for a while by then. I’d become aware of her distancing herself and she started making threats about leaving so, in a drunken moment of madness, I asked her to marry me, stupidly thinking it would make her more willing to stay and give the hotel more of a go with me if she felt secure in our relationship. Before that, I’d been really against marriage. It was the main thing we’d argued about. She wanted it; I didn’t. Anyway, this seemed to placate her and she treated it like a real marriage proposal and accepted.’
I shrugged. ‘So that was it. We were engaged. She spent ages organising this big, flashy engagement party down by the lake. I thought when she suggested it that it’d be a small gathering of close friends, but Tessa had pretty much invited her entire socialmedia friends list, which I was pretty pissed off about. She was clearly making it into an event she could use to promote herself online with, rather than it being about the two of us celebrating with the people we cared about.’
I glance at Dee and see she’s pulling a face of antipathy at this. Her support gives me a warm feeling in my chest, which allows me to continue.
‘What I didn’t know was that she was cheating on me the whole time with the guy who ran her social-media campaign that paid her as an influencer, who also happens to be the son of a famous actor. When we first moved to Gladbrooke, she convinced me to hire him as our Events and Marketing manager, so he was always around.’
I shrug, aiming for nonchalance, but I’m aware of how tense I am and it must look really awkward to her because she shoots me a look of horror.
I quickly turn away to stare blindly at the water flowing past us, fighting back the sinking feeling of humiliation that’s plagued me for months. ‘Anyway, Jack, the Events guy, turned up as we were having some photos taken in front of the lake. He was clearly really drunk and barged his way into the party. I could see Tessa was uncomfortable with him being there and I stupidly just assumed it was because he was an employee and hadn’t been invited. Anyway, not long after arriving, he came storming over to us, where we were standing in front of the lake. I was in the middle of refusing to have any more photos taken – we’d been there for bloody ages and the photographer must have taken hundreds already – so I was acting a bit grumpy with Tessa.’ I raise my eyebrows at Dee, letting her know I realise I was out of order being like that at my own engagement party.
‘Really? That doesn’t sound like you,’ Dee says, deadpan, then shooting me a teasing smile.
I grunt, then smile back at her. I like the way she handles my grouchiness. She has a lovely way of batting it away without taking it to heart. Something Tessa was never able to do. She took everything to heart, as if everyone else’s bad moods were a personal insult aimed directly at her.
‘The grumpier I got about the photos, the angrier and more aggressive he seemed to get, shouting comments like, “At least try to look like you’re pleased to be engaged to her,” at me. I didn’t understand what was going on at first. I thought he was pissed off that I wasn’t taking the photoshoot seriously. I could sense Tessa getting upset and I stupidly thought it was because he was being such a dickhead and ruining our party by being so drunk, but then she broke away from the shoot to take him to one side, away from everyone. I could tell from her body language and tone of voice that she wasn’t angry with him; she was actually trying to calm him down and placate him about something. I guess I kind of knew it then, in the back of my mind. They’d always been really chummy and flirty around each other, with little “in jokes” between them, from the very first time I saw them together. But I’d ignored it, convincing myself she wouldn’t cheat on me. Not with him. That she genuinely loved me. Pure arrogance, on my part.’
‘Don’t be so hard on yourself. That doesn’t sound like arrogance. Just having faith in someone you cared about.’
‘Hmm, yeah maybe. Anyway, the longer she talked to him, touching his arm and staring intently into his eyes, the more worked up I got, till I’d had enough and went over to where they were standing and demanded to know what the hell was going on. I wasn’t exactly subtle about how frustrated I was with the two of them and they both turned on me as if I was the one making trouble. Tessa told me to leave them alone, that she just needed a minute to work something out with Jack. He’s even got a hero’s name. Fucker. But I’d had enough by then and told herto ignore him, that he wasn’t even invited and he should fuck off and leave us alone. And that’s when he rushed at me and shoved me – hard – so I stumbled backwards and nearly fell on my ass. I saw red and was advancing towards him when Tessa told me to leave him the hell alone. I was so stunned that she was defending him, it stopped me in my tracks. And that’s when he told me – and the entire gathering of gawping onlookers, including all my friends and family – that he was in love with her and she was in love with him, not me. That they’d been having an affair for months and she felt trapped by me and the situation that I’d “forced her into”. Which was bullshit, by the way. I’d never made her do a thing. She chose to move here with me, even if she regretted it afterwards. Clearly, she was just humouring me about making the hotel work and was waiting for me to come to my senses and move back to London. I guess at first she was just whiling away her time with Jack, until it became clear he was the better bet and she could capitalise on the drama between us all. They’re quite the power couple now, apparently, after their social-media status skyrocketed post Darcy meme.’
‘Hmm. It’s funny,’ Dee says. ‘You don’t always get to know the real person till they’re forced into something they have to fight against – or for.’
‘Yeah. I was blinded by her effortless cool. Tessa was an exciting person to be around. She’s one of those people that make things happen. You know the type?’
