Page 54 of Marry Me…Maybe?
He took a breath and blew it out slowly.
‘I found out later that she’d latched on to me after seeing a piece in the newspaper about Hugo’s death and how I was now first in line to be the Earl of Berkeley. Apparently, she fancied herself as Lady Berkeley. I’d had women trying to worm their way into my affections before, but she was something else.’
He shook his head in wonder.
‘She had me totally fooled that she was for real. I guess because I was feeling so vulnerable about losing Hugo, and also because I was lonely – stuck out at the estate on my own after the sociability of university.’
‘That’s totally understandable, Theo, you shouldn’t feel bad about that.’
He glanced over at her and gave her a sad smile. ‘My parents hated her from the start. She wasn’t the “right sort of partner” for me. Meaning she didn’t come from a privileged and wealthy background. They called her behind my back and asked her to go over to the house and see them. When she got there, they told her they’d cut off my inheritance if she continued to have a relationship with me. Then they offered to pay her off to leave me.’
‘How fucking underhand!’ she said, feeling a sting of anger on his behalf.
‘When she told me this, stupidly I told her that I’d give it all up for her and we should go off somewhere together and make a go of it without my family’s money.’ He glanced at her, his eyes hard. ‘She was pregnant.’
‘Oh, no, Theo!’ Emily’s stomach swooped and her skin grew hot and prickly as adrenaline woke her from her lazy stupor. She sat up, looking down at him as he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling.
‘Apparently that wasn’t at all what she wanted from the situation – or me – so she went behind my back and accepted my parents’ pay-off, then aborted my child. I never saw or heard from her again after that.’
It took Emily a moment to fully process everything he’d told her. Her chest ached in sympathy for him. ‘Are you positive she didn’t keep the baby?’ she asked eventually.
‘Yes. She showed me the medical records from the hospital.’
‘Oh, Theo, it’s not surprising you don’t trust women.’
‘I spent a few years hating myself for being such a fool. I did some stuff that I’m not proud of. I used people. Hurt them. Including some of my friends. All to try and make myself feel better – less ashamed, less disgusted by how gullible I’d been. I was determined not to be taken in again, so I made sure no one ever got close enough to hurt me.’
He sighed and swiped a hand over his face.
‘Obviously my parents heard about how I was living my life and tried to intervene again. They were afraid I was giving the Berkeley family a bad name. When I wouldn’t listen, my father cut off my trust fund, changed his will and told me if I didn’t stop my philandering ways, I’d never inherit the estate. I found myself with no money, no friends, and an uncertain future. It was the wake-up call I needed. I cleaned myself up, got a job at an engineering firm in London and gave up women. Then my father died suddenly, without changing his will, and everything went to my mother. While she was pleased I’d calmed down, she wanted grandchildren, and when it became apparent I’d gone totally the other way and shut myself off from even considering a serious relationship, she started making veiled threats about keeping the house from me for good. And then not-so-veiled threats.’
‘No wonder she’s been so picky about who you get involved with,’ Emily said carefully.
‘Well, I am too. I’m very careful now. I don’t have meaningless sex and I always check someone out thoroughly before I commit to having any kind of relationship with them. I’m a very private person and I hate the idea of everyone knowing my business. That’s why I was so hard on you about the press invasion into my life.’
She flopped back onto the pillow next to him, a deep sense of shame mixing with the heady feeling of finally understanding where he was coming from. No wonder he’d hated her antics indragging him into the media spotlight. She’d put him through his worst nightmare. Twice.
‘Theo, I’m so sorry about what happened with the press—’ she began, but he put up a hand to halt her.
‘You’ve already apologised, Emily. It’s over now. We don’t need to talk about it again.’
Swallowing hard, she nodded against the pillow but didn’t say anything, experiencing a horrifying sense of grief. Because there really couldn’t be any kind of future for them now. She needed to be in the limelight for her career – and to make her happy – but he clearly abhorred the idea of it.
How did you get past something like that?
She’d been an idiot, thinking his confession about how he cared for her and the subsequent insight into his past meant there might be a chance for them when in fact it confirmed the opposite. They could never make a real relationship work. They needed totally different things.
He rolled over and slung an arm across her shoulders, dragging her against his chest. She let him hold her there, sinking into the heat and strength of his body, this time holding back the hot tears that threatened to spill from her eyes.
After a minute of two she heard his breathing level out and felt him relax into sleep, his arm still draped across her possessively.
It felt like the beginning of the end.
Emily woke the next morning to find herself alone in bed.
After getting dressed, she traipsed downstairs wearily, her entire body feeling heavy and stiff from all the tension she’d been holding on to.
It was important to her not to show Theo how exposed she wasfeeling about what had happened last night. She needed to be able to walk away with her head held high so she had to keep things light from this point onwards.
