Page 49 of Marry Me…Maybe?
‘She wasn’t alone,’ Jake said behind her.
She froze and swivelled back to face him. ‘What do you mean?’
He gestured to the woman still standing next to him. She’d been so quiet and still that Emily had forgotten she was there. ‘Betty used to visit her once a month, without Dad knowing. She told me the day Mum died.’
She turned to face Betty now, her heart pounding in her throat. ‘Is that true?’
The woman nodded solemnly.
‘Why?’ The question came out as a whisper.
‘Because your father was never going to do it and I couldn’t let her be totally alone.’
‘Wow.’ She stared at the woman and felt heat rush up her neck into her face. ‘Well, that’s very kind of you, Betty. It’s more than I ever did.’
Betty put her hand on Emily’s arm and patted it awkwardly before retracting it again. ‘You mustn’t blame yourself, Emily. She didn’t know who or where she was a lot of the time. She was a very sick woman.’
‘But I never visited her.’ The raw truth made something in her chest squeeze painfully hard.
‘She knew why that was,’ Betty said, giving her a supportive smile. ‘She’d done the most selfish, cruel thing in the world to you by trying to end her life and then having you find her in that state when you were just a child. She never forgave herself for that. But she loved you. She always loved you. During her lucid times she followed your career religiously… watched your show. She was proud of what you’d achieved with your life and she told me that repeatedly. She was sad that you didn’t want to visit her, but she refused to let me come and talk to you. She said you’d been through enough without her badgering you to forgive her, and that she knew you must love her if you were still angry with her. She made me promise not to say anything.’
Betty looked sheepish now, as if she thought she’d done the wrong thing by keeping this information secret until now.
Emily gave her a grateful smile, wanting her to know she didn’t blame her. It hadn’t been her responsibility. As Theo had pointed out, it hadn’t been any one person’s fault. They’d all had a hand in it.
‘Thank you for visiting her, Betty. I really appreciate you doing that. It was kind of you – especially when she wasn’t really anything to do with you.’
‘It was my pleasure.’
Betty nodded and turned to walk away, but Emily put her hand on her shoulder to stop her.
‘I misjudged you, Betty. I’m sorry.’
Betty gave her a genuinely warm smile back. ‘It’s okay, Emily. I understand why.’
Walking back to the car to meet Theo, Emily ran through everything she’d just been told. She felt barely able to process all that had happened as it swirled around her mind like a dizzying zoetrope.
Her mother had loved her. And even though she’d been very sick she’d known that Emily loved her too, deep down. She felt sure that was true.
Thanks to Betty she hadn’t been totally on her own for all those years, and had even gone so far as to follow her career.
The thought of it nearly blew her mind. She wondered how she would have felt during filming if she’d known her mother would be watching the show. Pretty compromised, she suspected. In some ways not knowing had allowed her to truly be herself, without fear of offending, alienating, or even worse trying to please the people she loved.
Because she did love them. All of them. Even her father. She just hadn’t wanted to admit it for fear of it breaking her.
She found Theo crammed into her little car, listening to the radio with the seat raked back so he could relax into it. He readjusted the seat and flicked off the audio when she got into the car with him.
‘How did it go?’ he asked, one eyebrow raised in suspense.
‘Good. It was good. I think it’s going to be okay with Jake. I told him I need some time to process everything, then I’ll be back in touch.’
Theo nodded. ‘That’s great, Emily. I’m really pleased to hear it.’
She flashed him a grin. ‘Thanks for coming with me. It was good to have you here.’
He didn’t say anything – just gave her an understanding smile.
There was a strange moment of tension when neither of them spoke and the question of what happened next hung heavily in the air between them.
