Page 41 of She Devil
I rub my eyes, feeling the weight of my life back in England begin to press in on me.
If only I could stay here for ever...
‘Tell me something,’ he says, propping himself up on one elbow and supporting his head with his hand while he gazes down at me, his eyes searching mine as if he’s looking for more of my deepest desires in them.
‘Hmm?’
‘What was it about your mother’s death that meant it had to beyouto hold your family together? Why did your father go to pieces like he did?’
I stiffen, my heart suddenly racing a mile a minute, and I swallow hard as my throat tightens in panic. I wasn’t expecting that question right now and I feel blindsided by it.
‘He was in shock for a long time. A loss like that can affect people in very different ways,’ I bluster, but I can tell from the look in his eye that he knows I’m lying.
Suddenly I’m too hot, my skin is burning and lungs no longer seem to be able to take in as much air as they need. I try to shuffle out from under him so I can breathe again.
He resists me, but only for a moment, before letting me go.
I slide out from under him and sit up, but the edgy heat doesn’t recede.
‘Was he more involved in what happened to her than he’s ever admitted?’ Jamie says, sitting up too.
‘What do you mean?’ I ask, trying to keep my voice breezy, as if I genuinely have no clue what he’s talking about, as I get out of bed and reach for my underwear, pulling it on with fumbling fingers.
‘I mean, I get that it was a terrible shock to lose her so suddenly, but was there more to her accident than was made common knowledge? What made your father shut down like he did? It seems odd for a man like Maxim, someone who’s so emotionally cold and always in control of everything he does, to react in that way.’
‘What are you trying to imply?’ I’m shaken, unnerved. There’s a new, cunning look in his eyes that I’ve not seen before. I’m sure I’m not imagining it. And it’s scaring the hell out of me.
‘I think there’s more to the story. And I think you know what it is. But you’ve kept it from everyone. What are you protecting your father from? Jail time? Or social condemnation?’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ I say, but there’s a giveaway tremble in my voice.
I feel trapped now, panicky. What the hell is going on here?
Jamie seems to sense my anxiety because he gets up from the bed and comes towards me, taking my face between his hands and looking into my eyes, his gaze steady and determined.
‘Tell me what really happened to your mother.’
‘I can’t.’ I shake my head loose from his hold and turn away from him to grab my dress, which I pull over my head with trembling hands.
‘I know there was more to it,’ he says forcefully behind me.
I spin round to look at him. ‘How do you know?’ I demand. He can’t know. Who would have told him? Only three of us know what really happened and I know for damn sure my father would never have said anything to anyone.
‘My father sent me a posthumous letter alluding to the fact there was more to the story and thatyouknow about it.’
So Cliff had finally decided to let Jamie in on the dark, shameful secret we’d all been carrying around for the last decade but he hadn’t told him himself—oh, no—he was leaving it up to me. The selfishbastard.
‘I need to know what it is, April, so I can put him to rest. Your father is a cold, callous bastard. We both know it. So stop trying to protect him.’
A pulse beats hard in my throat and my whole body rushes with unwelcome, prickly heat, as if I’m being stabbed all over with pins.
I can’t tell him, though. I can’t do it.
I’ve spent ten long years burying my memories of that horrific day. I don’t think I’m capable of facing them again right now. Not when I’m feeling so vulnerable here with him, on his territory.
‘You don’t want to know, Jamie. Trust me,’ I bluster.
‘Trust you? How the hell am I supposed to do that?’ He’s angry now that I’m still resisting him, refusing to give him what he wants. ‘You’ve been lying to me for ten years! I want to hear the truth, April. You owe me that much. I know my father was involved in some way and I want to know how. Stop being such a fucking coward and tell me.’ His face is a mask of frustration. ‘Tell me!’
