Page 27 of She Devil
I feel cheated. Tricked. Like she’s snuck this orgasm in under the radar without allowing me the satisfaction of giving it to her.
She’s taken it, but she’s not given me anything back. It’s as if I’ve just performed a practical service for her.
Fuck!
Why is she so afraid to properly to let go with me? Has she locked herself up so tightly over the last ten years she’s worried she’ll never be able to put herself back together if she comes apart?
Is she scared she’ll start to have feelings for me again?
A fizzing, electric surge of emotion rushes through me at this thought. Do I want that? And, if so, is it only so I can then reject her and finally get my pride back? So I can balance the scales that have been tipped against me for ten long years now, weighing me down, reminding meevery fucking timeI see her how she’d broken me and turned me into the kind of man I despise?
A weak, selfish bastard.
I still as the reality of that thought sucker-punches me in the gut.
What the hell am I doing? Am I really so pathetic I’m actually more interested in getting my own back on April than finally getting to the bottom of what my father wanted me to know?
Regret stings the back of my eyes and I pull away from her. I need to regroup and find another way to gain her trust. I sense, deep down, that I’m going to have to give her something first—an apology, I guess—for the way I acted after we broke up.
But I can’t do that right here, right now.
I need some time to think first. To put some space between us so I can get my thoughts straight.
Putting my hands on her hips, I pull her back into the water.
Her self-satisfied smile vanishes when she sees that I’m not entirely happy with what just happened here.
‘What’s wrong?’ she asks, confusion clouding her eyes. ‘Wasn’t that what you wanted from me?
‘Not even close,’ I reply, shaking my head and moving away from her.
I feel her gaze hot on me as I put my hands on the side of the pool and haul myself out of the water.
‘What—what do you mean? I don’t understand,’ she stutters, sounding utterly bewildered.
‘I’ll see you later,’ I say as I walk away, my muscles tight with frustration. ‘Enjoy your swim.’
April
I stare after Jamie as he strides away from me, his powerful body tense with what seems to be anger.
I’m floored with shock.
What the hell just happened? I was giving him what he wanted: my acquiescence. At least, mostly. I’m aware I was keeping part of myself back in order to deal with the intensity of the situation, and perhaps he’d felt that resistance and hadn’t liked it. He seems to want me completely under this thrall.
But I can’t allow that. Not if I’m going to keep my sanity and presence of mind.
Feeling his mouth on me had been electric, though. I’d had to fight hard not to give in to the joy of it and beg him to make me come.
Oh God, even though I’ve only just had an orgasm my whole body is aching for more of his attention. I can still feel the ghost of his mouth between my legs, lapping me hard with his expert tongue in exactly the way he knows I like. He hasn’t forgotten. Even after all these years he still knows how to make me crazy with pleasure.
But he seems intent on making me crazy in other ways too. He’s torturing and tantalising me until I think I’m going to go mad. He’s taking down my defences bit by bit.
He’s trying to break me.
I stare in the direction in which he disappeared, my head spinning with tangled fears.
The worst thing about all this is that I’m afraid I might let him.
