And then out of nowhere hot tears suddenly press behind my eyes and a wave of emotion hits me hard. I’m crying, unable to hold back the persuasive release of tension. Hard, wracking sobs escape from my throat and fat tears run down my cheeks and into my ears.
‘Hey, hey, it’s okay,’ Jamie says, a concerned frown creasing his perfect brow. ‘Shh...’ he soothes. He places feather-light kisses to my nose, lips and cheeks, using his tongue to smooth away the tears streaking my skin.
After another few minutes of this madness I’m finally able to get myself under control and I give him a wobbly smile.
‘Sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying. I think it’s just the relief of finally getting that life-changing orgasm you’ve been promising me for far too long now,’ I joke to cover my embarrassment.
He’s still frowning at me, though I’m not sure it’s with dismay. ‘As long as you’re crying with appreciation rather than disappointment.’
I can’t help but smile at that, my tears finally drying on my cheeks. ‘Definitely appreciation,’ I whisper.‘Definitely.’
‘Well, that’s okay, then,’ he says, rolling off me then pulling me into his side and wrapping his arms around me. Holding me close.
I feel on the edge of a transformation, as if I’m finally reaching the kind of freedom I’ve been longing for. For so, so long. But, like everything good, I know the feeling will be short-lived. He can’t really be mine. This is only temporary. An illusion. A means to an end.
As soon as he’s given me what I want I’ll have to let him go again.
I tighten my arms around him and bury my face deeper into his chest, breathing in the reassuringly familiar scent of his skin, committing this moment to memory.
Because I’m not ready to let him go just yet.
Not yet.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Jamie
SHE’SSTILLHOLDINGback her secrets from me. I know she is. But right at this moment I can’t bring myself to care.
I lie on the rug in my living room with her warm body pulled tightly against mine, feeling the slow and steady rhythm of her breath on my chest where she’s buried her head against me. I can barely believe she’s here, in my house, pressed securely to my body. A thing I’d never thought would happen again.
And I’ve proved I can make her come hard, just as I’d promised I would.
I’d been so caught up in the moment, so determined to get the reaction I wanted from her, it hadn’t exactly been my most skilful performance. It had been more fast and furious than finessed—but that seemed to be what we both needed.
I don’t feel bad about it, anyway. These last two days have been one long session of foreplay. And I know I was successful because she cried—something I’d never dreamed I’d see April do.
I’d been horrified at first, feeling a jab of guilt for pushing her towards such an extreme reaction, but then it occurred to me that maybe it was a good thing. She held her feelings so tightly to her, so hidden, maybe this was cathartic. A response to the relief she felt at finally being able to let go.
Sex—goodsex—was therapeutic for her. And if that was the case I was more than happy to counsel her some more while she was here. Perhaps after a couple more days of stunning orgasms she’ll find it easy to give in and tell me what I want to know.
My plan might work after all.
Perhaps then I’ll have the peace I’m looking for.
It’s funny, but I was surprised to find it had actually been a massive relief to apologise to her. To admit out loud that I’d made mistakes and that she’d been the victim of them. That it had been wrong for me to act like that—whether or not she’d hurt me first.
It was liberating finally to be free of that shame.
One huge step closer to throwing off the chains of my past.
She shifts against me.
‘Are you okay there?’ I ask.
I feel her nod. ‘Yes, fine, but I could do with a few minutes out,’ she says, pulling away from me, not meeting my eye as she rolls to one side and sits up, her back to me.
I want to reach out and stop her from leaving, disappointed that this new closeness should be interrupted when I was enjoying it so much, but I know that would be a bad idea. And, honestly, I could probably do with a few minutes to recover too.