Page 14 of Good Girl
He nods back. ‘Okay, then.’
Taking my hand, he leads me towards the doorway. I think for a second we’re going to be denied entry, as the bouncer looks us up and down, but then he holds back the curtain for us to slip through. I feel a rush of fear about what we’re about to see, but I keep walking, allowing Sandro to lead me inside.
And straight into an orgy.
I stand there, frozen in shock, my heart pounding in my chest as though it’s trying to break out and escape as I stare at a huge circular bed in the middle of the room upon which a big group of people is doing all manner of unnerving, intimate-looking things to each other.
I jump as Sandro slides his arm around my waist.
‘Quite a sight, huh?’ he murmurs into my ear.
I nod stupidly, but no words will leave my mouth. My body seems to be petrified. Despite my determination to throw off my prudishness while I’m here in Italy, I know for a fact right now that I’m not going to be able to handle being here. I really don’t want to stay. I really,reallydon’t.
Panic wells in my gut as I watch the surreal scene of entwined limbs and heaving bodies playing out before me. What if Sandro expects me to join in with this? I won’t be able to. There’s no way. An unnerving tremble that began in my hands seems to be spreading through my whole body now. I can’t move. I’m too terrified even to take a step. I have a sudden mad vision of one of the people on the bed reaching out and dragging me into the mêlée, where I’ll be suffocated under a pile of naked bodies.
I’m uncomfortably aware that Sandro is looking at me and I turn to meet his gaze, seeing a slight frown on his face.
‘Are you okay?’ he asks.
I can’t even shake my head because my neck is too tense.
My expression must have alerted him to my discomfort because gently he draws me back behind the curtain with him, the security of his embrace helping to unfreeze my limbs. Cupping my face, he looks into my eyes, then frowns and sighs.
‘I shouldn’t have taken you in there.’
Now I’m behind the curtain with the sex show safely hidden on the other side, I’m finally able to speak. ‘It kind of blew my mind,’ I mutter.
He rubs his hand over his eyes, then shoots me a look of concern. ‘I wasn’t expecting you to join in with it, you know. I just thought you might find it interesting after the conversation we had on the plane about not needing to be in love to have sex. You said you wanted to understand and experience everything, so I thought it’d be a good opportunity to see other people being totally uninhibited in the pursuit of pleasure. I thought you’d be able to handle it, but clearly I read the situation wrong.’
‘That’s the understatement of the year,’ I mutter, my humiliation turning to frustration with myself.
He lets out a low, exasperated sigh. ‘Yeah, okay. We should go home.’
‘Home?’ I panic for a second that he means he’s going to dump me back in London and my time with him will be over before it’s even begun. That I’ve blown it by pretending I’m okay with our deal, only to prove tonight that I’m really not.
Am I a lost cause?
I want to cry.
‘Back to the apartment,’ he says gruffly.
I relax a little, but only a little. I can’t look at him now, though. I’m so dispirited.
‘Yes. Okay. Let’s go back,’ I mutter, pretty sure this signals the end of our deal. How can he possibly hope to help me when I freak out so badly at the sight of other people having sex?
I’m so convinced I’ve ruined everything, I fully expect him to ask me to pack my things and leave as soon as we get back to the apartment.
Shame and disappointment take turns to sink through me.
So much for my sexual liberation.
