Page 76 of Her Cadillac Cowboy
“They don’t understand yet,” Sara said.
“’At’s right, they’re too young. But I’ve started to talk to some of ’em, and I tell ’em that I thought I was being abandoned by my family until I realized they were working hard to help me out and needed some help themselves. Help like the people at the daycare who keep kids and old men safe and busy until their families can come get ’em. I pointed out that not one kid had been left alone because a parent hadn’t come back.”
“Did they listen to you?”
“A few of ’em. Some dropped their anger right away and started smiling. A few hard cases might take more convincing, but if I can learn from them, they’ll prob’ly learn from me.”
“That’s terrific, Dad.” She reached for his hand.
He gripped her fingers and looked her straight in the eye. “Sara, I’m sorry I’ve been so bitter over your mother leaving. I made your life and Donny’s miserable. It’s my fault you both left. No one would stay with a man as critical and self-centered as I am—was—er, hope I’ll never be again.”
“I’m sorry, too, Dad. I wasn’t strong enough or wise enough to know what you needed. I am now. I love you very much.”
“Love you, too, little girl.”
For the first time, being called “little girl” didn’t hurt.
“I’m not sure I’ll ever understand why Donny Carl don’t want the dealership.”
“I’m not sure he knows either.”
“Well, if he ever comes home, we’ll figure it out together. Long as Carson’s stays in the family, I just might retire.”
“That’s a mighty big change, Dad.”
“Haven’t done it yet. Just been thinking about it.”
“If I can do anything to help, just say so.”
“Be patient with me, Sara. Change isn’t easy for me.”
“Most of the time, it’s not easy for anyone.” She yawned. “I may need to make a few changes of my own.”
“Glad to hear that.” He stretched. “Why don’t we both sleep on it? We can talk more tomorrow and every day after.”
“Good idea, Dad. I’ve got a full agenda tomorrow.”
“Then you better get your beauty sleep. I’m going off to bed now.”
Sara looked at her father’s retreating form as if seeing him for the first time. And perhaps she was.
Dad had changed over the past few weeks. She gave Mrs. Masterson full credit. Sara hadn’t had an argument with her father in several days. He’d even asked a couple of times about the dealership and listened and commented calmly. He wasn’t patting her on the back or giving out awards, but maybe that would come in time. They were beginning to build a new relationship, although it was still fragile.
She wished she could do the same with Josh.
But she still wouldn’t choose between him and her father. She’d been so used to Dad’s angry, bitter misogyny that she hadn’t noticed the progress he’d made. What did that say about her? Was she so stuck in the past that she couldn’t move forward, couldn’t change her thinking and behavior?
She fell asleep trying to imagine a world in which she was different, where she had never been angry and bitter. Where she could accept and give love with all her heart.
