Page 81 of The Herald's Heart
He covered his face with his hands, and his shoulders shook. He made one gasping sound after another.
Was he weeping?
“No, no, no. Please God, no.”
“Talon?” She rose and went to place a hand on his arm.
His arms went around her, and he pressed his face to her shoulder.
She held him, stroking his head until his shaking ceased.
He straightened, set her away from him, dropped his hands, and bowed his head. “All I wanted was for you to live. I did not think of your will to survive or trusting you. I put my faith in God and begged him for your life. If that is a betrayal of you, I am sorry.”
Her determination cracked. Kneeling before him, she lifted his chin and fixed his gaze with hers. “You were right to trust God. Whether I was dying or not, trusting in the Lord and accepting his will are always right. You know this.”
“Aye.” He nodded. “Just as I know that the vow I made must be kept.”
“Truly? Why?”
“’Tis an oath sworn to God. Mother Clement heard me make the vow. I cannot unmake my promise. Even if I could, I would not. I gave in to passion once and put both our souls at risk.”
“I asked it of you. ’Twas worth every risk, and I do not believe the Lord would condemn us for the joy and glory we shared.”
“I pleaded his forgiveness when I made my vow, and no matter what you say, I will not break that vow. To do so would dishonor God and both of us.”
She was not certain how the breaking of an oath could dishonor God, but Talon was so adamant that she decided not to argue the point. “Dispensation from an oath can be granted.”
“Why bother. You will still be my stepmother. In the eyes of the church, we can never wed.”
Stunned, she jerked backward. “You wish to wed me?”
Did he mean it? How should she respond? Was it even possible? She could petition the church to annul her marriage with the earl. But she would lose the authority and power given her as Countess of Hawksedge. She would have to trust that whomever the king chose to become earl would not contest her claim to Rosewood. Or she would have to give up that claim. What a tangle. But wasn’t Talon’s love worth any sacrifice? Of course, he had not said he loved her in so many words. Clearly now was the time for her trust in him to be tested.
He clasped her hands. “In a perfect world, Larkin, I would wed you and never leave your side. You are everything that is brave and good, and I was too blind, too concerned with my own problems to see the gift you are to me, to all who know you.”
He spoke words every woman wished to hear from the man she loved. Loved? Yes, she did love him, and prayed they could solve the problems that separated them. All the same, she rolled her eyes. “You swell my head with such talk and will make it impossible for me to walk through doors.”
His mouth formed a tight-lipped smile, and he leaned his forehead against hers. “At least you do not accuse me of not believing in you.”
“No, I am fast coming to believe that you might trust me and are heartily sorry for any previous lack of faith.”
He sat back and released her hands. “’Tis true, and good of you to say. But you know it changes nothing.”
If he’d struck her with his fist, she could not have been more surprised. “It changes everything.”
“Nay. That vow and your marriage to my father will always stand between us. Because of that, I also vowed to serve God and take pilgrimage to Jerusalem. I cannot leave until I know that Hawksedge is in good hands and well protected. But once I’ve gone, you will have plenty of time to forget me.”
He did not love her. If he imagined she wanted to forget him and he would not even consider ways to remove obstacles like her marriage and his oaths, he could not love her. Her heart broke as she stood. She’d seen justice done for her family, but what did it matter if she proved herself to be Lady Rosham or not?
“Very well. I’ll not waste any more of your time or mine. I will give up my search for proof of who I am and pray that the word of the king’s herald is sufficient to restore my home to me. I will remove to Rosewood within the week and remain there unless I learn that my word and yours are not sufficient to gain it for me. If that happens, I will go to the abbey and dedicate my life to God, as you have. I do not expect to speak with or hear from you again. Good-bye, Talon.”
She lifted the bar and walked out the door before she could fall at his feet and beg him not to be an obstinate fool. Trust. She would trust he knew his mind and not try to change it. She would survive this too, but she wasn’t sure why.
• • •
“I am fast coming to believe that you might trust me and are heartily sorry for any previous lack of faith.” She’d offered that olive branch, and he rejected it. Because of a promise to God. She herself said faith in God was right. What was faith if not a promise kept? Heaven forefend he should fail to be completely honest and trustworthy, no matter how it hurt them both.
Frustrated, Talon urged his mount to greater speed. But no matter how hard the gallop, he could not outrun the knowledge that he had lost Larkin after all. He tugged on the reins. The horse slowed. Talon let the beast choose his own pace. But regret and sorrow stewed in Talon’s blood.
