Page 3 of Operation Annulment
COMMANDMENT #2: THOU SHALL NOT MOPE OVER WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN BUT EMBRACE WHAT IS
Kate
“Tell me again, how long are you planning to drag this out?” Benjamin asks from his perch on the arm of the chair in my bedroom, restlessly fidgeting with his tie.
“I don’t know,” I admit while applying another coat of mascara to my lashes. “It’s not like I meant for this to drag on as long as it has. I thought I’d meet someone else and—” I wave a hand between us. “—this whole thing would just work itself out naturally, you know?”
My grandmother called not long after I discovered Benjamin and Connor—in flagrante delicto. The words were right there, on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t do it. She’s had me on this pedestal since I was a child, and I can’t imagine how she’d react if I ever dared to climb down.
The situation would be different if Nan and Pops were just our grandparents. But after my father’s death when I was six, they were forced to become so much more. Over the years, my memories of him have grown fuzzy, making it hard to separate fact from fiction. I canremember his tattoos, specifically a spider web, and tracing the colorful ink with my fingertips when he would tuck me in at night.
My mom struggled to care for us on her own for a few years before dropping us off on our grandparents’ porch when I was sixteen and my younger sister, Dakota, was twelve. Overnight, we went from struggling financially to being made to feel like burdens for simply existing. Pops tried to step in as a father figure, but Nan was adamant that her child-rearing days were over, claiming that mothers do not abandon their children.
Early on, I learned that taking on the role of mother with Dakota was the best way to keep the peace and avoid Nan’s wrath. Nan became more affectionate if I worked hard enough to present our lives as perfect and lacking nothing. Knowing both were temporary, I did my best not to let her praise or criticism affect me, but I did try to stay in her good graces for Dakota’s sake.
So, maybe it was wrong, but I was willing to go to any lengths to keep up the charade. I did some digging into Physical Therapy Associates’ strict policy on workplace relationships between supervisors and subordinates—a violation that could cost Benjamin his job if his supervisors found out—before offering him an ultimatum. He would continue to attend family events and play the role of the doting boyfriend, or I would go to his company about the relationship.
It was a win-win for both of us. He’d keep his job, and I would continue to float merrily down the River Denial for as long as possible.
As a therapist, I recognize this is an unhealthy pattern of behavior likely stemming from a deep-seated fear of abandonment and rejection.
But if it ain’t broke…
“This is it,” Benjamin says with a sigh. “This is the last time.”
I open my mouth, but he shakes his head, silencing my objection.
“No. Let me finish. I took a job in Colorado. Connor and I are moving up there at the end of the month.”
My pulse races—not at the thought of him leaving, but at Nandiscovering the truth. Sure, this was a temporary solution, but I mistakenly assumed Benjamin would be willing to play along for as long as I needed him to.
He wraps his arms around my shoulders and turns me to face him. “I love him, Kate. You and I—it wasn’t right.”
I swallow past the sudden lump in my throat. “But-but- you love your job! How can you just give that up?”
He smiles at me, much like one would a small child. “We need a fresh start. A training facility opened up this year—Survivor’s Gym—and they need PTs and assistants. Plus, the owner, Travis, seems really cool.”
“I’m happy for you,” I manage, ignoring the sting of tears behind my eyelids.
Despite the image that’s been forever burned into my memory, I mean it. Benjamin deserves to be loved for who he is, and we weren’t right for each other. We were just trying to check off boxes on someone else’s to-do list.
“Stop letting Norma Cross dictate everything you do,” he continues, lifting my chin and forcing me to look him in the eye. “It’s not like she’s paying your bills, so stand up to her. Then, I want you to get the hell out of your comfort zone and find a man who deserves you—not someone you think she’d approve of.”
I let him pull me into a rough hug. He’s right. It’s time to come clean.
First thing tomorrow.
“So, Benjamin, how are things going at work?” Pops asks, his fork hovering in front of his mouth as he waits for an answer.
“Actually, Richard, I’ve got some news—Aghhhh!”
I roll my eyes. Sensing he was about to blow my cover, I slid my salad fork off my plate and under the table, giving his thigh a gentle nudge. Not anything that warranted a scream like that.
“Good Lord, are you okay?” Nan’s voice is filled with concern, but her expression remains neutral thanks to the sheer number of injectables in her face.
Not that she would ever admit it.
I’m honestly surprised it still moves.
