Page 55 of The Blue Rose
Staring back at me is someone I don’t recognize.That can’t be me.That person is stunning. She is confident, her head held high, as she turns to admire herself. I reach up, cupping my cheek, admiring my own reflection. The long lashes glued to my eyes. The perfect cat eye eyeliner with a subtle smokey eye. The black dress Jess chose is hugging the upper part of my chest, showing off my breast. Squeezing the dip in my sides and flowing down past my knees, hiding the muffin top I hate so much.
My hands trace my curves as my eyes follow them all the way down to my waist. Turning around, my eyes bulge at how amazing my ass looks.My ass has never looked this good. I grab and shake it.No jiggle.I would describe my ass as round and big, but pitted, kind of like cottage cheese. My mom says I had her ass when she was my age, she says cellulite is normal and no matter what, I am beautiful. I turn back around to Jessica and, without thinking, hug her so tight, she gasps, thanking her for the magic she performed on me.
She pushes me away, claiming I’ll ruin her energy by tainting her. I refuse to let her words bother me, choosing tolet them brush off me. Not even Jessica can ruin this high I am feeling.
Jess pushes me out the door, eager to spend time with Toby, instructing me how to sleep tonight so I don’t ruin what she created. I know I won’t be able to replicate Jess’ talent so I stay up all night for fear of smudging one perfect line on my face.
The next morning I find a note in my locker telling me to meet Tony behind the bleachers on the football field before school starts with a heart at the end. I squeeze the letter to my chest, excitement washing down the nerves I feel.
I make my way over, dressed and looking just as Jessica made me last night, excited and hopeful my luck might be changing. Maybe this is real. Maybe this wasn’t a rumor. Maybe the star football player really is going to ask me, of all people, to prom.
Walking behind the bleachers, I stop dead in my tracks, dropping the note I clutched to my heart.
Standing a few feet away, I see Tony, gripping Jessica's ass, making out with her. Dropping my eyes lower, I can see his dick hardening. It’s not even Friday. I grind my teeth so hard I feel like they’re about to crack. The pain from the little half moon indents from pressing my nails into my palm starts to fade as the anger starts to bubble over. Jessica opens her eyes, looking dead into mine. I swear I can see her smile for a second. She pushes Tony away and acts surprised.
I know she isn’t surprised.
As if noticing me for the first time, Tony glances at me, and scratches the back of his head, then tells me to leave as he suggestively pulls Jess into his chest. Like he didn’t just invite me to meet him here.
Oh. My. God.
I stumble back and start running, tears streaming down my face. Jessica screams after me, telling me, no,demandingme tostop. I don't listen. Instead, I run up to the roof, the one place I know Jessica won’t follow.
The janitor, who also happens to be my uncle, gave me a key to the roof. He knows how my relationship is with Jessica, and after begging and failing to dump her as a friend, he gave me a place to escape to, when it becomes too hard. No one knows about my secret place; it is solely mine. Jessica has tried to follow me once or twice, but I always lose her. She takes it out on me later, mad that I won’t tell her where I go, but she will not taint the one place that I find solace.
How could she do this to me?She told me he was going to ask me to prom. She gave me a makeover, making me look unrecognizable. She turned me into a version ofher.She had this planned from the beginning. I am fuming, gripping my hair, ruining the curls she made. This goes way past making fun of me, way past giving me backhanded compliments and using me as her personal ego trampoline. She crossed the line. She lied to me. Got my hopes up. Wrote a fake note. For what? All to make me see her with a guy I thought actually wanted me?What the fuck is wrong with her?I’m pacing back and forth, my hands shaking. My heart hurts. I can’t catch my breath.
Kids are just now entering school, shuffling inside and I drop to my knees and let out a guttural scream. I release every single emotion I have been bottling up for so long, and silence descends on the parking lot.
Jessica will pay.She will not get away with this. This time, I will rain down hell. I am no longer her puppet, and she is going to rue the day she did this to me. I will end her.
Fuck. Her.
My head is poundingwhen I wake up, the sun making me squint and groan as my head throbs harder. I reach over, patting to wake up Jessica, almost excited to tell her about the crazy dream I had. But when I turn my head, after feeling an empty bed, I realize she’s gone.
Still half asleep, rubbing my eyes, I get out of bed and walk around the house calling her name. When I don’t get an answer back, I head back to my room and grab my phone. Looking at my notifications, there is only one text, and it isn’t from Jessica.
Aster
Meet me at my house tonight. Making you dinner
Serena
What time?
I need to call Jess.This isn’t the most unusual thing she’s done, but I hope she’s okay. She just keeps disappearing and showing up randomly, and I’m starting to become concerned. The first ring sounds in my earwhen I get another text from Aster, like he’s been waiting for my response all morning.
Aster
7 and don’t be late, or I will punish you
I don’t bother responding, still a little salty about him ghosting me, and I feel like being petty and leaving him on readis the only fair response.Let’s see how he feels when he doesn’t get an answer.
I don’t bother finding out where Jessica went. She probably got an Uber home and will call me later. My head still pounds, and I can’t worry about Jess. She’s always done what she wants. I know she’ll be okay. Instead, I take a couple Advil and go to my art room to paint.
What was that dream about?I don’t remember Jessica ever treating me in such a cruel way, but something about it feels familiar. The way she acted, the things she said, all of it gives me deja vu.Surely my mind must be playing a cruel joke on me.There is no way Jessica would ever do and say such intentionally hurtful things. She’s been my cheerleader, my rock, for as long as I can remember. Sure, she can be stuck up at times, and her overly confident ways can come off arrogant, but that girl in the dream wasn’tmyJessica. No, it had to be a Jessica from an alternate universe or something.
Still not completely convinced the dream was just a dream, I throw on my paint apron and let the colors take all the fear, all the anxiety, all the hurt, and turn it into something beautiful.
