Page 36 of Goblins Don't Count
He frowned at me and then finally nodded and curled up behind me, shifting me so I had my head on his shoulder and his arms were wrapped around me. “Yes. We haven’t reciprocated the snuggling yet.”
I giggled. “You’re so in denial about snuggling.”
“And you’re so in denial about your hair. Can I lick it?”
I squinted at the kitchen, wondering if I’d heard him right. “Why would you want to?”
“To get out the musk.”
“Musk?”
“There’s sorcerer musk, warlock musk, ogre musk, and vampire musk. Even a trace of werewolf. You can’t smell it?”
I scowled at Clary, even though she wasn’t there. “I’m going to kill her. Lick away. You’re really weird.”
“I know. You’re almost as drugged as I am, and you didn’t even eat the dress. Good thing.” And then he was licking my hair, a hard tonguing that reminded me of a cow I’d once seen licking her baby. I felt like that, Sashimi’s enormous baby cow, which I found hilarious. I fell asleep like that, feeling like the world was the funniest joke ever.
ChapterEleven
Iwoke up on the couch with Sashimi wrapped around me, and thoughts of garbage cans filled with tuna dancing through my head. I squinted to see Mr. Raccoon going through my garbage can, holding up a lovely tuna can in triumph.
Sashimi’s arm was right under my cheek. The green was very noticeable in the early morning light, and so was the smell of goblin. Sleeping goblin. Contented goblin. Relaxed, trusting, foolish goblin who was going to get his intestines wrapped around a stick if he didn’t learn some caution.
Weird. I was picking up on the goblin way, I guess. I really, really needed to use the bathroom. I started to slide off the couch, and then he was awake, thoughts going a million miles a second. For a second, his arms held me tight, before he relaxed and I was able to slide to the floor.
“Sh. Go back to sleep,” I whispered, patting his face, then I crept to the bathroom.
When I got there, I stopped, staring at my reflection.
I looked like… My hair. It was in the strangest mohawk, curling around in all kinds of waves because apparently goblin saliva was a very good hair gel. He’d licked my hair. Over and over again. And he’d eaten my dress, which is why I wasn’t wearing anything other than this leather mini-dress without super secure sides, just ties.
I used the bathroom hurriedly and then went out to find Sashimi still on the couch, for all intents and purposes, still sleeping.
“Can I tell you a story?” he asked, eyes closed, apparently not still asleep.
Too bad. I’d kind of wanted to climb back onto the couch with him and snuggle. He was actually surprisingly cozy.
I went to a chair and sat down, picking up a pillow to hold over my dress.
“A story?”
“The most dangerous assassination attempt I’ve ever faced was years and years ago. A charming, delicate, entirely sweet human came to the goblin market. She was clothed in the most alluring gown imaginable, made from saramac flowers. I couldn’t resist until I got close enough to smell her skin, and then I recognized her as family. Goblins don’t have incest, but I was tempted. Instead of falling to her charms, I escaped to the edges of the market, watching her dance with goblins, lured in by their fruit, their promises, and then, one by one, they started dropping dead. That pretty little human was not at all innocent. She’d actually come for the sole purpose of killing me. She was a relative of mine, ergo she must have come to avenge one of her ancestors who had been stolen away by an idiot Goblin King. She must have made a deal with a demon to have a touch that killed, all to avenge her relative and to kill me. And that is the history of the dress I ate last night. I have no idea how your friend came into possession of it, but I am positive it is the same one, spelled purple.”
“It doesn’t sound like you came close to being assassinated.”
“No? But after I ate the dress, I was in such a state that you could have killed me almost easily. A little beheading, sticking me out in the sun, and I probably would stay very dead.”
I made a face at him, not that he could appreciate it when his eyes were still closed. “That’s as close as you’ve come to being assassinated? That is so disappointing.”
“Not at all. It’s exciting. My life was entirely in your hands last night, and you didn’t even think about taking it. I have you in slavery, Lady Justice.”
I snorted. “I’m under your protection. If it wasn’t for you cleverly finding a use for me alive, I’d be dead. No one else would bother keeping me alive. But did you have to lick my hair?” I asked, reaching up to touch the dark curls and licks that were like a churning ocean scene.
“I asked.” He opened his eyes, winced when he saw me, and closed them again. “I shouldn’t have asked. You’re going to think that goblins are entirely uncivilized. Eating dresses, licking hair, biting mouths…”
I shivered at the memory and hugged the pillow to my chest. “What? Goblins uncivilized? What a surprise. At least you weren’t wearing human skin. Speaking of, I should take a shower and change.” I stood up and turned to leave, but he snagged my calf and pulled me back onto the couch, so I landed awkwardly draped over him.
He wrapped me in the blanket and then pulled me back into my original position. “Tell me, since I’m doing it all wrong, what are the proper methods of the snuggle?”
