Page 68 of Goblins Don't Count
“It has been very moderate for this time of year,” her husband agreed, giving her a soft smile.
The old man turned to look at the half-goblin and then past him to the fairy. “How long have you been married? Do you intend to have children?”
So much for polite conversation. Her wings fluttered extra hard for a moment while she carefully scooped up a serving of some kind of vegan oak leaf patif. “We’ve been together for twenty-five years. We haven’t yet been able to have a child, more’s the pity. Ebon would be the finest father.”
Ebon scowled at the old man, but he only hmphed. “You shouldn’t have married a goblin. Fairies are too delicate for them. He should have known better.”
The couple looked extremely uncomfortable, him angry, her embarrassed.
“And what about your granddaughter, Rynne, if you’re really my husband’s father,” my mom said, leaning forward and fixing him with her gaze. “Will she die once she has a goblin child?”
I felt my cheeks catch on fire as I sank down in my chair.
The old man studied me. “No. She may die from other things connected to being the Goblin King’s bride, but not childbirth.”
“Cheers to that,” Trata said, raising a glass with shimmering gold liquid in it.
Ah. A magical elixir. Hopefully it took the bite off of some of my humiliation. “I’m not the Goblin King’s bride, and I’m not going to have his baby,” I said for what felt like an unnecessary fiftieth time.
“You call him Sashimi?” the old man said, looking shocked.
“Sorry, Corcarn,” I corrected.
“Not at all,” Sashimi said, giving me a slight smile. “You may call me anything you like.” For some reason, that made me want to kick him under the table, but my luck, I’d kick Trata instead, and then she’d kick me back, and my leg would fall off. Maybe I wanted my leg fall off so I could leave this dinner before it got any weirder. I wanted to go to my apartment and cuddle with Sashimi on the couch. Or the window seat of his office building. Or in the limo. Who knew he’d become such an addictive cuddler?
“You call him Sashimi, but you will not have his child? What lie has he told you?” the old man asked.
My mother perked up as she studied Sashimi. “Yes, what lie has he told you?”
Tarn barked a laugh. “Here we go. Mother, eat your fish. You promised to be polite, remember? Calling someone a liar isn’t polite. Just because the old man gets to be rude doesn’t give you an excuse. It’s the only reason some people have to live in their old age.”
The ‘old man’ gave him a hard look. “You have no respect for your elders.”
Tarn drawled, “I have so much respect for my elders. You have no idea how much. I’m not quite convinced you are my elder, but I’m still being polite. I haven’t called you a liar, or asked you when you’re going to knock up some young thing, have I?”
I both wanted to put my head on my brother’s shoulder for defending me, and to stomp his foot so he’d stop talking.
Mr. Raccoon took that moment to leap on the table from one of the overhanging branches, land on a tray of fish, and send it scattering in all directions, most generously splattering our side of the table.
Everyone was silent while he sat in the middle of the tray, picked up a fish and started eating the head.
Yes, watch me demonstrate how it is done, you feeble humans. Also other weird things. What kind of insect is that?He peered at the fairy girl curiously while she stared back.
I cleared my throat. “This is my familiar, Mr. Raccoon.”
“Mr. Raccoon? You named him Mr. Raccoon?” That was Tarn.
Trata snorted. “Seriously, I mean, he’s a raccoon. You could have given him an actual name. Like Pickle.”
Tarn sniffed at her. “Pickle? You’d name a raccoon pickle? Why?”
“Why not? I have cats, and they’re always named condiments and foodstuffs. I’ve never thought of naming one Sashimi, but I’m sure I will. It’s such an excellent pet name.”
The old man inhaled sharply enough that everyone looked at him. He was studying Sashimi with the eyes of a rabbit about to be swooped by a hawk. It reminded me that Sashimi had always chosen to show me his most civilized side, the one that didn’t enslave people and eat the bodies of the dead. What was he trying to accomplish with freeing my grandfather like this? I needed to talk to him alone. But there was still the matter of the demon-summoning maid.
I grabbed Sashimi’s arm and leaned close to whisper in his ear, “Have you heard from your goblins? Is the woman secure? What about the fire? I should have called someone. No, I’m the lieutenant. I should have organized a barrier and…”
He turned and brushed my nose with his, his eyes butter soft and sweet. “I will let you know as soon as I hear something. This dinner between families is more important than work, isn’t it?”
