Page 46 of Goblins Don't Count
The wall of the capsule opened, and the raccoon fell out, landing on a glass floor that floated over a river of volcanic lava. He promptly threw up a number of weird things, including a tuna can, a banana peel, and a rotting corpse of some kind.
I held very still while the scent floated up, mingling with the scent of goblin. The raccoon had flung himself on the floor and was groaning pitifully with a hand over his forehead, all dramatic.
I’m going to die, and I didn’t even get any delicious spicy fire drink out of it.
I stepped carefully out of the capsule and onto what appeared to be a lava floor, slipping out of the goblin’s arms until I stood next to the raccoon. I looked up at Sashimi, feeling like the world’s worst house guest, and we hadn’t even been here an entire minute. The room was cavernous, with a wall of glass overlooking a glittering city and some kind of seating area that looked downy and expensive. At least the glass should mop up well.
I said, “Sorry for Mr. Raccoon,” feeling very small and idiotic.
Of course, he chose that moment to groan and roll over right into his vomit. I tensed, but what could I do while he was still so nauseous? If I tried to carry him somewhere better, he’d probably throw up the entire way and spread the mess.
“Mr. Raccoon, if you move, I’m going to rip out your spine. Stay there!” I spun around towards Sashimi, who had followed me out, looking perfectly neat and sleek in his charcoal suit and silky hair. “Where are your cleaning supplies? I’m thinking that maybe I underestimated how much trouble I’d be. I wasn’t thinking about Mister.” I rubbed my forehead. “I can clean up and take him and go…” The view out of the window came into focus, a bewildering, dizzying maze of streets and buildings, all lit by greenish fluorescence. A clock tower was the most recognizable thing, but the numbers were all wrong, and it was upside down, growing from the cave roof down towards the streets below. Right. Goblin town. And goblins could scale the walls. And ceilings, as demonstrated by several people outside that window.
I was in a completely different world, and I had no idea how to leave.
Sashimi’s voice was low, soothing. “Your familiar is no trouble. Once he’s stable, I’ll take care of him. He’ll stay right there while I give you the tour.” His voice was firm along with the look he gave the sickly raccoon, who shuddered, but didn’t move or uncover his eyes.
“Are you sure?” I said, stepping closer to Sashimi, peering into his eyes, like I could read truth in them. He was a goblin. He could lie and I’d have absolutely no idea.
He took my hand and swung it slightly before tugging me away from the raccoon and the rocket elevator, towards the rest of the place. “I wouldn’t have told you to get me to date you if I wasn’t.”
I took a deep breath, looking down at our fingers, twined together like that. “Right. It’s all part of the plan. The closer you get to me, the safer you are from your Goblin King curse. How do I get to work from here? How long is the commute? Is it always the rocket elevator, or do you drive?”
“You’re thinking about work after you’ve finally broken your relationship with your mother? Of course. Justice never sleeps.”
I shook my head. “Justice sleeps plenty. That’s the problem.” I glanced back at Mr. Raccoon. He was so disgusting. Why did I have to imprint on a drunk raccoon? Of all the humiliating… I returned to facing Sashimi, aware of the amused slant of his mouth as he regarded me back. I cleared my throat. “I can’t let you take care of my mess. That’s not fair or just.”
He raised a brow and smiled slightly. “And how, exactly, are you going to stop me?”
I twisted his arm, pulling him into a hold that was exactly like the one we’d practiced the other night. The one that had led to all of that dress-madness. I was feeling like that, sad, desolate, betrayed, but also guilty. So incredibly guilty. I’d gone to an event like that, wearing a dress that compelled everyone, and I’d been so oblivious. I’d caused so much damage that I needed to undo, but how?
He grunted, and I realized that I’d pulled him with too much force as I pressed him against the floor. “How long are you going to keep me like this?” he asked, a thread of amusement lacing his words.
“You’re always amused at me. I guess I’m hilarious, fumbling around in the dark when I can’t see.” I loosened my grip only a tiny amount, but then he was rolling me over until my hands were over my head while he held me down.
His eyes flickered gold as he studied me with more hunger than amusement. “You aren’t hilarious. You’re courageous, pushing back the darkness with your bare, soft, delicately delicious hands.”
“You mean idiotic.” I tugged on my hands, but he had me firmly in his grasp, settling his weight around me without putting actual pressure.
“I mean what I said. Now, Lady Justice, who is on your list of suspects?”
I raised a brow as I studied him in that position, beneath him on the floor. “My list of suspects? For the murders that I suppose could be suicides.”
“But they aren’t. They smell like murders.” He brushed my nose with his, sending a flicker of awareness down my spine. “You have a goblin nose now. Always trust the nose.”
I smiled slightly. “That sounds very scientific. All right, well, trusting my nose, I think maybe Joss is involved somehow, or he wouldn’t be pushing the suicide angle so hard. The list of people in the building at the time of the first death includes the cleaning crew, and the security people. I should run profile checks on all of them, but odds are it was something else. I have no idea, either a compulsion spell that could somehow sneak in and force someone to kill themselves, or a different entry that we don’t know about. How hard would it be to break into the courthouse?”
He smiled at me, sharp and diabolical. “I thought you’d never ask.” He rolled off me in one smooth movement, holding my hand to help me up. “Shall we have another exciting date this evening? I’ll provide the wardrobe this time, if it’s all the same to you.”
I shook my head and wrinkled my nose. “It’s not. I’d much prefer you do the costuming considering how my choices went down. That’s the last time I ask to look attractive to a goblin.”
He blinked at me, brow wrinkling for a moment. “You asked to look attractive to a goblin?”
I shifted under his intent gaze, then shrugged. “It was either goblin or demon. My dating options are severely limited, although Tim is looking at me with some interest now that he knows I have a familiar that I might want stuffed once he expires. Although, who would ever want the bodies of a familiar without their soul?” I glanced past Sashimi to see Mr. Raccoon covered in little bugs.
I gasped and rushed towards him, but Sashimi blocked me, wrapping his arms around my waist and spinning me around so I ended up close, staring up into his eyes while he gazed at me with a slight smile.
“Meet housekeeping. Spider droids are all the rage in Goblintown. They will do an immaculate job cleaning your familiar as well as the floor. Have you eaten? It’s dinnertime. Why don’t I make you something appropriately human?”
