Page 20 of Goblins Don't Count
I frowned as I worked through the move, which was hard to do with his shampoo smelling so good. “I didn’t hold your arm close enough to your body.”
“Also your grip was too low. Do you want to try again?”
I pulled out of his grasp, which was very loose, and spun around, straightening so I was face to face with the goblin who had me literally cornered. Not that it wasn’t my fault for starting things with him. “Why would the Goblin King or Authority ever agree to date me?” I asked, slightly breathless. I was trying not to notice how close I was to Sashimi, how his strong chest brushed mine ever-so-slightly, and how good his shampoo smelled. “I’ve never dated anyone. It would be a disaster.”
“Then you don’t have any bad habits to break.”
I scowled at him. “Seriously, do goblins even date? I know nothing about goblins.”
“You know nothing about goblins, other than their language. You’re nervous about meeting the Goblin Authority? Why?”
“I’m not nervous. I’m just…” I ducked under his arm because the smell of his shampoo was starting to make my mouth water, and I didn’t want to go there with him. I mean, I wasn’t going to ask him about where he got his shampoo. Again. The first time was weird enough. “It seems pointless to try.”
“Really? It seems to me that you’ve tried many, many pointless things. For instance, joining the police force against your family’s wishes so that you can be oppressed by your superiors.”
I scowled at him. “And learning Goblin.”
He snapped his fingers and pointed at me. “Exactly. Learning Goblin was so extremely pointless, and yet so incredibly dangerous. Excellent comparison. Approaching the Goblin King and asking him to date you is both pointless and dangerous. You should be perfectly at home in those circumstances.”
I scowled at him. “This is the part where you get tasered.”
“This is the part where you go inside, lock the door, and charge your taser so the next time you’re walking through that parking garage, you have some defense.”
“I have a lot of defenses. I just enjoy the taser. And what do you mean about the parking garage?”
“I know where you park. Everyone knows where you park, and it’s not a safe space.”
I ran a hand through my hair while my skin went cold. They’d said that everyone knew my habits, but hearing it from Sashimi gave me chills. I nodded slowly. “Yeah, I’m always really careful. I’ve never been attacked exactly, it’s just that sometimes an overly friendly demon wants to date me. Maybe I should get some practice with him before I approach the Goblin Authority.”
“That would doubtless be one way to increase your problems and reduce your possible solutions. Excellent idea.” His eyes glimmered bright for a moment before he turned and disappeared into the shadows, leaving me to gather up the bills on the table. He’d left too much, as usual, but if I tried to return it, he’d only say it was a tip, and leave an even bigger one the next time. It was weird. He was weird. And he couldn’t possibly be right about my dating the Goblin King being some kind of solution to becoming a goblin.
I went inside and locked up. I put his money on the counter next to the safe to be put in first thing in the morning, like usual, then I headed to the stairs. Tarn was coming out of his room as I was going up.
“So, you’re eating sushi with the goblin, hm? Want to talk about it?” He crossed his arms and tried to look tough. He actually succeeded. He was filling in pretty nice for someone I’d always consider my baby brother.
“What’s there to talk about?” Seriously. I had no idea.
“You know what they say about goblins.”
“Lean, mean, green machine?”
“Rapacious. That’s what they say about goblins, that they’re rapacious.”
I blinked at him. “Like, they eat a lot of sushi? He shared just fine. Actually, I think he gave me most of it.”
He cocked his head and gave me an irritated frown. “Sometimes you’re just too cute. I’m talking about him eating you, not sushi. Not literally. Like lovers, only with a goblin it would be more like riding a passing tornado.”
I blinked at him. “Lovers? With Sashimi? I’ve never even dated. Also, he’s trying to get me to date someone else. The only person who wants to date me is a demon I met in a parking garage. How would I get a goblin to want to date me? What do goblins like? You sound like you know from some kind of experience. Have you dated a goblin?”
He backed away, hands raised. “Absolutely not. I mean that you shouldn’t ever try to get a goblin to date you. They don’t date. They rarely marry. You’d have to trust someone to marry them, and goblins don’t trust anyone.”
“But you’ve still had goblin lovers? Did they steal your money? Clothes?”
He ran a hand through his dark hair. Not as dark or silky as Sashimi’s. I was probably approaching unhealthy amounts of obsession with his hair.
“Just stay away from goblins.”
“But how do you get them to like you? Is it revealing clothing? Is it expensive perfume? Is it genuine compliments?”
