Page 20 of Every Broken Promise
This brought me back to now. I was lying in bed after taking a food comma-induced nap. My hair was being played with. I would have protested because, hello, I just did it this morning, but I loved having my hair played with. That should have been my first clue that I was going to love having my hair pulled at during sex, but that wasn’t important now.
I snuggled closer to whom I assumed was my mother playing with my hair. Except the more I defrosted from my nap, the more aware I became of my surroundings. First, it was the smell. It wasn’t bad, but it was cologne—really nice cologne. My mother wore body mist, she wasn’t a cologne type of lady, and my daddy thought deodorant was more than enough self-care.
The second thing was I could hear my parents talking in the backyard. My room was in the back of the house, facing the patio. I knew it was them because I had opened my window before I laid down to nap.
In all my life, only one other person used to play with my hair other than my mom. It was a habit that started when we were six years old and we had our first sleepover.
“How the fuck does your hair always smell so good?”
Those words gave me my first taste of vagina flutters.
By then, Ty and I were sixteen, and the feelings I had developed for him were confusing. Even years later, they still caused me trouble. I couldn’t help but look at myself as a pick-me girl, and there was a bit of humiliation laced with that feeling.
“I’m going to open my eyes, and I’m going to be alone in my room,” I mumbled.
The hand on my hair stilled for a second, and my heart thumped with anticipation. He would get up and leave any second now.
“Your hair is still as soft as I remember,” he said as he resumed his ministrations.
I let go of the breath I seemed to be holding.
His words caused my stomach to drop, and I didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing. I would stay in delulu land just a little bit longer.
NINE
7 years old
My birthday was confusing.Although I felt happy, a part of me felt dread. I wouldn’t call it bad, but a shadow of sadness seemed to follow me around all day. It was the first birthday I had to spend without my momma. Although my dad and my brothers loved me and wished me a happy birthday, it wasn’t the same.
Momma would always have balloons waiting for me when I woke up. In moments when I had fun with my friends, I forgot about her being gone, but then, other times, her absence would scream at me. There were things that only she knew how to do.
The backyard had been decorated for my birthday. It was a superhero theme, and I knew it was thanks to Mrs. Hart. Astrid and her parents arrived at our house really early. Mrs. Hart kept yelling at her husband and my dad so they could hurry up and do what needed to be done.
She had done the same for my brother EZ’s birthday. We had cake and friends over because she cared about us and wanted to make our days a bit more special.
Astrid wore a pink cape while I donned a blue one. While the adults set up, the two of us ran around while the rest of our classmates showed up.
“Hey, Ass-trid.”
As soon as Adam opened his big fat mouth, Astrid’s smile faded. Now that he was about to be ten he thought he was so much cooler than us.
“I’m telling Dad!”
“You’re such a tattletale,” he shot back.
I started to chase after him. I was going to hit my brother, knowing full well he was going to beat me up after.
“Tyler!” Astrid yelled after me. “It’s okay. Adam is dumb.”
I didn’t listen to her and kept running after Adam. He didn’t get to say mean things about Astrid. I’d never been as mad at my brother as I was at this moment.
He was bigger than me, so it was hard to catch up to him. But because he was looking back to see how far I was from him, he didn’t see the broomstick on the floor, and it tripped him. I took this opportunity to throw myself.
He was ready for me, and we started to wrestle on the floor. Adam was kicking my butt, and normally I would have been in tears already, but this wasn’t about me—this was about Astrid. I hated to see her upset.
“Get off me,” Adam bit out as he tried to push my body off his.
Neither one of us was letting go. We kept rolling around on the floor.
