Page 127 of Every Broken Promise
Had it been any other girl, my family would have been pissed for the free service I gave Russel, but Astrid was worth all my money and more. I tried to pay Dad back out of my own pocket, but he didn’t let me. And since I was the one doing the calls for Rusty because it wasn’t fair for my brothers to pick up my slack, they were okay with it.
“Thanks again,” I told him as I headed for the truck.
Rusty waved me away. “I have hope that someone will knock some sense into Adam, and then maybe he and I can work up a little deal, too.”
I couldn’t help but grin.
Hell, if someone did knock my brother on my ass, I would pay to watch that show too.
The sun was almost all set, and typically, I didn’t like coming to the cemetery at night. Not because I was scared but because visiting my mom was something I wanted to do in the daylight.
Today, I really needed her guidance.
The walk to her grave was a short one. I felt somewhat bad that I wasn’t bringing flowers. One was my dad’s, and he alwaysbrought red roses, and the other was from either Adam or Ezekiel.
Her grave never lacked any flowers—still, it made me feel bad that I hadn’t been by in a couple of weeks. A testament to how much I have been in my own head. Astrid came back to town and turned my life upside down. Or more like finally tilted it back the way it was before she left.
“Hey, Ma,” I said as I sat before the grave. “Sorry I haven’t been by in a while…” I took a deep breath and chuckled. “You probably know Astrid came back… God, Mom, she looks even more beautiful than she did in her pictures.
While Astrid ran away to forget about me, I couldn’t do the same. Where there was a will, there was a way, and I became a fucking stalker so I could get a glimpse of her. With every post she made, I was reminded that my best friend was living her life without me. That the girl I loved was somewhere else without me. It fucking killed me. All I could do was watch from afar and hope she would return to town. I had promised myself that if she did, I wouldn’t be stupid again and let her go, but now I wondered if she was even mine to hold on to.
“I promised myself that when she came back, I would do whatever it took to keep her, but what if we aren’t meant to be? What if we don’t work out?”
Four years later after leaving town, the same thoughts that plagued me at fourteen kept me awake at twenty-two.
There was no answer—there never was—but I still felt calmer at this moment than I did when I asked myself this question back at my house.
What if things work out better than you thought?
Everything worth having took hard work, and if it meant working for the rest of my life to have Astrid by my side, I was willing to do just that. I fucked up by not choosing her once, and I didn’t want to make that same mistake.
Because I couldn’t live with what we had, I wanted more. I wanted everything.
“You would have loved the woman Astrid has become,” I told my mom. “She’s kind but can hold a mean grudge. She was a force to be reckoned with at five, and now she’s a woman to admire… I think you’d always known that she was the one.”
Fuck.
Saying it aloud felt monumental somehow.
I needed to keep to the promise I made myself.
After leaving the cemetery, I went straight home.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I would tell Astrid how I really felt.
It sucked not having her in my arms tonight. I’m surprised I had restrained myself enough not to sneak into her house every night since she returned.
I told myself that soon enough it would all work out—I had to believe that it would.
Just as I was about to lie down, a light tapping came from the back of the house. I stood still, thinking I might have made it up, but when it happened again, I immediately got up and rushed to the back door where Astrid was waiting for me.
The relief I felt upon seeing her was palpable.
“Hi,” she greeted me somewhat hesitantly. “I’m anxious about tomorrow, and being at home was counterproductive in staying relaxed.”
“Come here, beautiful,” I told her as I extended my hand for her to take it.
