Page 62 of The Weight of Her Silence
Lila spent most of the day in the corner of the couch, bundled beneath layers of quiet. She rarely spoke unless Caleb or Ava were in the room. With them, she smiled. She listened. She leaned forward and let them pretend everything was okay.
But with Nate… she retreated. Not cruel. Not cold. Just gone.
He sat nearby with paperwork he never read. He worked from home now, always "around," in case she needed something.
Sometimes she called his name, and that single syllable undid him.
“Nate?”
He’d spring to his feet. “Yes?”
“Could you…” She’d blink slowly, eyes rimmed with exhaustion. “Turn off the light?”
It felt like penance, every small request she made. Every way she trusted him with her physical care and nothing more.
She didn’t let him touch her hair. Didn’t let him help her change. But she let him hold the water glass to her lips when her hands trembled too badly.
One night, her fever rose high enough to scare him. He sat beside her, damp cloth in hand, wiping her forehead as she shivered.
“I’m fine,” she mumbled, eyes half-lidded.
“You’re not,” he whispered.
She didn’t respond.
He stayed all night in the chair beside her bed.At some point she reached for his hand, not out of affection—but because she needed grounding.
And he gave it, even as her fingers slipped away again in her sleep.
In the morning, Lila didn’t acknowledge that he’d been there. But she let him stay close when she shuffled to the bathroom. And when she sat on the edge of the bed, pale andwinded, he wrapped the blanket around her shoulders—and this time, she didn’t pull away.
It was not forgiveness. Not closeness.
It was survival. And she allowed him to be part of it—for now.
Chapter 39
For When I’m No Longer Here
The house was quiet again. It was the kind of silence Lila used to crave when the kids were little—after a long day of noise and needs and love that never stopped moving. But now, that stillness wrapped around her like fog.Cold. Familiar. Final.
She sat at her vanity, wrapped in the pale robe Ava had given her last Christmas. Her phone trembled slightly in her hands, but her voice—when it came—was steady.
She started with Ava.
"Hi, baby girl..."
She swallowed hard. The words hung in the room before she continued.
"If you're hearing this, then I couldn't stay. And I’m sorry. More than anything, I wanted to. For you. For Caleb. For everything I still wanted to see in you."
Her throat tightened, but she kept going.
"Ava, you were always the one who saw through me. Even when you didn’t understand what was wrong, you knew something was. I saw how you watched me. How you tried to be strong for me, even when you were just a child. You never had to. But I’m proud of you for the strength you carry anyway."
A shaky breath.
"You are brave and brilliant. You ask hard questions and you don’t let the world get away with lies. Don’t ever stop doing that. Don’t ever settle for less than someone who sees your worth. All of it. Someone who chooses you fully."
