Page 375 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 7
“Sure he does. He could bang me.”
“You’re a daughter.”
“Yeah, but as long he doesn’t break my heart or hump and dump, I’m sure my dad wouldn’t mind.”Ew.I hated everything about that. Why had I said that?
“I don’t know. I could see your dad getting jealous when you start calling Tanner Daddy.”
“Oh God. I’m gonna be sick.” I pretended to throw up in a trashcan.
Then I spent the rest of my day vetting influencers. I kept hoping that Sierra would be one of the applicants. It would have been so satisfying to send her an invitation to get her all excited and then tell her we sent it to her by mistake. Or maybe I could invite her and then push her overboard… Or better yet, we could rent a lion from the menagerie and then accidentally let it free on board. The real trick of it would be convincing her to wear a necklace made of meat.
Alas, she hadn’t applied yet. So there would be no rejection and no maritime murder. But I could still try to rent a lion. Just in case.Will the menagerie even have a lion?I wasn’t sure. But it was time to find out.
The car picked me up at 5 o’clock sharp and took me a few short blocks to an old abandoned-looking warehouse. I was worried it wasn’t the right place until Tanner walked out the front door accompanied by a man in a ridiculous circus outfit and the twirliest mustache east of the Mississippi.
“Ash, it’s my pleasure to introduce you to Claude. He’s been my animal guy for years.”
Claude bowed deeply as if he’d just made an elephant jump through a flaming hoop or something.
“Animal guy? How often do you need animals?”
“You’d be surprised. Like I always say - it’s not a party unless something ends up on a leash.”
“A truer saying has never been said,” agreed Claude. “If you two will just follow me, we can get started. What kind of animals are you looking for?”
“The bigger the better,” I said as we walked inside. Or…outside? Yup. We were definitely outside. It wasn’t a warehouse at all. It was like we’d gone into a little zoo. There were a few fences to separate the different enclosures, but no cages.
“Bigger the better, eh?” asked Claude. “Well, I’m afraid that Little Lucy here is already reserved for this Saturday.”
“Little Lucy?” I asked.
Claude whistled and an absolutelymassivebear lumbered towards us.
I let out a little scream and Tanner stepped in front of me. Was he planning on fighting the bear for me? It sure seemed like it. My heart did a little flip.
“Aw, don’t be scared,” said Claude. “Little Lucy won’t hurt ‘ya. He’s a good boy. Aren’t you, Lucy?”
“Good…boy?”
“Yup. Little Lucy here is six hundred pounds of pure Grizzly bear muscle. One of our most popular attractions.” Claude pulled a fish out of his pocket and tossed it to Little Lucy.
“How about something less likely to tear the face off of one of our guests?” suggested Tanner. “I was thinking we could get a few zebras and paint their white stripes to be fluorescent. Like DJ Spaceboy’s visor.”
“Heavens, boy,” said Claude. “You can’t paint a zebra! PETA would string me up by my nuts and get my merchandise sent to the zoo faster than you can say flaming lion manes.”
So maybe it is TheDodo.com that hates Tanner.They certainly wouldn’t appreciate him painting zebras. But again…that wasn’t an unforgivable act. Just an easily fixable faux pas. It had to be the daughter thing. And anyway…I was more fixated on the fact that Claude had just mentioned lions.
“Let’s pass on the zebras then,” I said. “They’re basically just striped horses anyway. #HorseFacts.” I lifted my hand for Claude to high-five me.
He did not.
I cleared my throat as Tanner tried to stifle a laugh. I didn’t know why I kept thinking everyone would understand my hashtags. Only Tanner did. “Do you have lions?” I asked.
“We do indeed.”
“On a scale of one to ten, how likely are they to maul someone wearing a meat necklace?”
“Eleven.” Claude’s eyes went to my chest.
