thirty
Soren
"Wedon'tneedtodiscuss that." Vin shakes his head. "Don't make me go back there."
Don't make me go back there.
Like it was an inconsequential argument, a spat that simply ruined our night. Not a night that ruined our lives. Not a night that ruinedme, that ended in our child's fucking murder.
"Don't make you go back there?" I laugh.
I don't mean to do it, but it spills out of me, and once it does, there's no stopping it. I laugh loudly, because this is absurd. Everything about this is absurd, because he was supposed to be dead, but here we are.
When I get enough composure to pull myself together, he's frowning at me.
"I'm yourwife, Vin. Get me out of this shit and talk to me like a fucking adult."
A furrow appears between his eyebrows as he appraises me, jaw clenched like he's trying to control his anger.
"Fine. You want to talk, we'll talk. But I'm not letting you go. If I do, how do I know you won't run?"
He doesn't, because I would. Although, I suppose I wouldn't do it before I get the answers I need. My entire world feels like it's been shaken, turned upside down and left to try and settle the wrong way.
"Fine. You don't want to go back to that night, but I never left that night in so many ways. So, tell me what happened, Vin. Make it make sense."
"We were relaxing in bed. I was giving you a massage..."
I frown at the thought of his hands on me. It's ridiculous given that we were married—no, Ithoughtwe were married, but that was another lie. Regardless, we were together for years. But the thought of him touching me now...
There’s truth to what he’s telling me. I remember his fingers on my shoulders, him laughing against the back of my neck, me praying that the intimacy would turn into something more.
"The doorbell rang." I say, because that's the last thing I recall on my own. It's why he stopped.
Vin nods. "I went to answer it, and a stranger came in. He busted past me, caught me off guard. He saw you on the steps. I guess you followed me, to see who it was, and he attacked. You tried to get away, but by the time I got up there, it was already too late..." He swallows, sighs, gives me a moment for my brain to try to process his words.
My brain tries to fill in the gap between what I know and what Vin tells me.
Closing my eyes to try and focus, I remember falling on the stairs. Not down them.Up.
"I yelled at him to get off you. I didn't realize he had a gun until he shot me."
I open my eyes to look at him. "What happened?"
Vin frowns, confusion pulling at his lips. "I just said... he attacked, and I tried to fight him off of you."
"Heattackedme? What does that mean?"
I remember the steps. I remember standing on them, looking down at the open front door, Vin and the man stood there together. He had a ski mask, one of those fabric ones that covers everything but slits for the eyes and mouth. I remember making eye contact. I could feel it, even if I couldn't see his eyes well enough.
Run.
"He didn't bust past you." I say, focusing on the image of Vin standing with him. The man was big, but Vin was strong, at least back then. Even if he'd been caught off guard, he could have held the door. But he didn't, because he opened it.
He let the stranger in.
Vin swallows. "He took me by surprise. I thought it was a robbery, so I tried to talk him down. But you had to follow me..."
There's no missing the accusation in his voice. There's no denying that to him, this is my fault. If I hadn't followed him down the steps, the stranger never would have gone after me. But that doesn't make sense. They had Vin right there, with a gun tucked somewhere on their body.