Page 94 of Lost
I can feel the frenzy building as she screams and smashes more shit, wincing as I see some glass get into her hair. Fuck, looks like I’ll be picking that out later. It’s not enough to cut her, so I’ll let her continue.
…But not without grabbing a hard hat and putting it on her head. Safety first.
“Keep going, I don’t want you getting any more glass in your hair,” I murmur when she stiffens without turning.
Nova swings at the ugly porcelain cups and they explode with the power of her swing. Thankfully, I turned so it hit my jacket and nothing vital. Damn, she’s got some power to her swings.
She loses herself to destruction before she screams, “Why?!”
“Fuck,” Caleb murmurs.
He’s not wrong. Beating the shit out of things lets out the anger, but the sadness has a tendency to come out too. Nova throws the bat to the side before she grabs the heavy mallet, andthings explode as she slams it down on the crystal, plates, and figurines.
“Why what, Nova?” I ask, swallowing hard. This is the part where I have to be careful. Playing a therapist with heavy emotions can be dicey.
Hollis almost broke my kneecap when she was a teenager and her parents tried to marry her off to a pack when we had our first rage set up for her. It swelled really badly, and I told people that I got into a bar fight. Thankfully, my image was a little edgier than it is now and people believed it.
“Why did my life have to be like this?” she growls, the tinkle and crash of glass following her words. “Why couldn’t I be fucking ugly so he’d keep his hands to himself?! Why did he have to write about it?”
Caleb’s hands are clenched into fists as he listens to her, his jaw working as he listens.
“Did he?” I ask, my voice hoarse with emotion.
“Kane found the notebook,” she says, throwing the mallet with strength she shouldn’t have. The lanterns furthest from her explode with perfect precision, and I am suddenly very glad that she’s not trained to kill people.
I want to ask her more, but I can’t. It feels like I’m frozen as she picks up a crowbar and begins to wield that at the cute little cow family.
“He read it,” Nova bites out. “Kane found every single room that I was hurt in and put explosives in it before he video called me this morning. He had me choose a number and that’s the room he blew up.”
Fuck me. Kane is an evil genius. I think he’s definitely underestimated too. He and Nova seem to have a special bond, which means there’s nothing he won’t do for her.
“What happened then?” I ask.
“He blew up the garage last, and it was full of the security guards that patrol the property. People who kept me inside, and pretended they didn’t hear my screams or tears,” she mutters. “He has a list of people to kill.”
“Sounds like a great friend.”
“He is,” Nova breathes.
She stands there with her back turned to us, and I watch as her strings of anger are finally cut. Her knees begin to buckle as I rush toward her, catching her before she falls to the ground. Caleb walks over and gently pulls the crowbar from her numb fingers and removes her protective gear once she’s firmly cuddled in my arms.
“You have people now,” he murmurs. “We’ll burn the world down for you, baby. You’re not alone.”
Her eyes are full of tears as she nods, her hands clenched as they spill over.
“Want to tell us anything else?” I ask. “Totally safe space, baby. No one will judge you.”
There’s silence for a second, and I can see this yawning pool of sorrow in her gaze that’s so deep it physically hurts to look at it. Yet, I refuse to break eye contact because I’m promising to be her rock, even when I worry that I’m not strong enough for the shit she’s been through.
This time has to be different if we’re going to build anything together.
“In the van…” she hiccups, shuddering.
“When you were in heat?” Caleb asks, finding his voice. “What about it?”
He threads his fingers through hers and we start there, holding space for her as I hold her. I’m glad that Caleb warned Hollis we were doing this, because it would be very easy to pop the bubble of tenuous trust that we have going for us right now.
“I…was in so much pain that I thought of just ending things,” she whispers. “It’s not the first time I’ve tried. The only reason I’m here today is because Louise found me bleeding out and the cuts weren’t deep enough to do the job. I promised myself that I would respect life more than that. It just hurt so much.”
