Page 34 of Lost
I guess the bubbles as I write show up for Lars in the message, which means he must be stalking my messages.
I’m all mixed up. Nothing makes sense in my life, and I seem to continue to make the wrong decisions.
The alpha attempts to pull open the door again and I scream, breathing harder as I pray that Bertha can withstand an alpha that may be going into a rut.
I don’t even really want to talk to Lars, but my instincts want me to. I want to feel safe, be taken care of, but I’m fighting all of that despite it.
I’m a fucking mess.
My phone rings and I answer without looking, something telling me that it’s Lars.
“Tell me where you are, Princess,”he growls.“Caleb and I have been driving for hours, hoping that we’ll be able to find you.”
“What? No. You’re supposed to be with Hollis,” I cry out. “Why aren’t you protecting her?”
“She’s home with her alphas, Nova. Why did you lie to us?”he asks.
“Caleb…didn’t believe me. Go away!” I scream at the alpha at the door. “I’m not opening the door, asshole.”
“Let me in, and I’ll make it good for you,” the alpha growls.
“Nova, what the fuck is happening?”Lars asks, his voice calm despite his words.“Tell me why you’re yelling.”
“I’m in heat,” I grunt. “I’m accidentally calling alphas to me. No, I didn’t realize this would happen. I’m just trying to ride it out by myself. I know I’m stupid, okay? I just wanted to get away.”
“Princess, don’t call yourself that. It’s obvious that you panicked because you wanted to take care of everyone else. Theissue now is that you can’t deal with this alone,”he says.“You’re matched to Tyde, and this heat is going to be worse than any other.”
“Why are you on a first name basis with Dr. Stewart? Ah, fuck me, that hurts,” I gasp. “I have to go. I have to get into my cubby at the back of the van in case the alpha at the door gets in here.”
“Woah, Nova. Tell me where you are. Please. You can’t do this alone, baby,” he says.
I’m already asking myself why I was going to text him. Throwing a sweatshirt over my head, I open a small door that’ll allow me to cram into a corner of what’s essentially my closet and lock myself in.
“Don’t tell me what to do,” I say, hanging up before I beg him for a knot.
I don’t know how long I can be strong for. My body is built for a knot, and I’ve been able to enjoy an alpha’s knot during my heat before so I know the difference between an unassisted and assisted heat.
I refuse to allow my body to write checks I don’t want to cash. I don’t want to give into biology, simply because I need one of my scent matches.
Dropping my head back against the wall, I grit my teeth and let the tears leak out as the alpha outside continues to attempt to tear the door open. Big Bertha has kept me safe through worse things than this guy.
My hand holds tightly to my phone as I writhe in pain, my head slamming back against the wall to knock myself out. The cramps get worse and worse, making me squeeze my thighs together as if that’ll help. Unfortunately, it doesn’t, and it’s freezing in this part of the van. My teeth chatter as my muscles contract with the cold as well.
I start to hallucinate as the pain intensifies, mumbling to myself as I cry. I can’t get to my toys since I’m in hiding, and my nails dig into my skin to try to focus on another type of pain.
Nothing works, I just want to die, and if I didn’t respect life as much as I do, I’d kill myself with one of my kitchen knives in my makeshift kitchen.
The world bleeds into white noise as I suffer, until I slump against the wall in defeat. Hopefully, it’ll be better when I wake up once I manage to pass out, even if I’m no longer here.
My body feels as if I’m shaking, and my eyes roll back as everything convulses. Am I having a seizure? As much as I want to handle this by myself, I want a goddamn knot so fucking badly.
My pussy is spasming on nothing, my brain is screaming for alphas that I don’t want when I’m sane, and my soul is begging for the days when things were simpler.
All I wanted to do was meet my sister, and now it looks like I may not even get to do that.
The door to the cubby is pulled open as I convulse and drool, and I can’t even protect myself as someone pulls me out.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck! Baby, why did you do this? You’re so fucking stubborn…”
