Page 144 of Lost
“It’s a big deal to come in and talk to her, Nova. Don’t minimize this. You don’t know how you’ll feel after. Did you give yourself enough space in between this appointment and your next?” he asks.
Biting my lip, I think about how I have a newer pack from the mafia community that I’m seeing today and then I’m going by to see Aisling and Wren at Pack Hayes’ home to discuss what I need to do to establish a non-profit.
“I have a busy day,” I sigh, explaining what I’m doing today.
“I’ll have Lars bring lemon squares for when you’re done,” he grumbles.
I can tell he’s more annoyed that I’m slammed today than at me. The bond between us is giving me intention and emotions, but like Lars, it’s slow to build.
I bit him back on Sunday before we headed back. We had really hot shower sex, and I had this overwhelming need to complete the bond. His smile is something I’ll never forget.
“Nova?”
The doctor has her brown hair back in some complicated sort of bun, the kind that reminds me of ultra rich Stepford wives. She has kind eyes though, and the rest of her looks approachable. I think I may be biased about her hair, since Louise and everyone she spent time with were horrible with tightly pulled back hair.
Swallowing hard, I nod, taking in her slacks and pretty blouse. Maybe this won’t be so bad. Fuck, why does therapy seem so scary?
“Hey,” Caleb pulls my attention away from her as I realize I’m starting to breathe faster. “It’s just talking, baby. You saywhat you want and nothing more. No one is going to force you into anything you don’t want to do. Okay?”
“This is a safe space,” Dr. Alys says, walking over to me. “We can start wherever you want, Nova. You didn’t seem this agitated until you saw me. Can you tell me why?”
A tear slips down my face as I struggle to breathe, and I nod.
“It’s so…dumb,” I gasp.
“If you can’t breathe, it’s not dumb,” Caleb says, rubbing my back.
“It’s your hair,” I wince.
“This?” A quick pull of some pins has it all tumbling down in a chestnut cascade. “I had court today, and I was trying to look like a hard ass bitch. I may have managed the look a little closely.”
Sighing, I smile gratefully. “Again, it’s such a ridiculous reaction,” I explain.
“It’s not. Some people get triggered by a perfume, the way someone laughs, etc. Post traumatic responses can happen for a variety of reasons,” she says. “I rarely wear my hair like this. It did make the judge listen to me though.”
“Then mission accomplished,” I say weakly, standing. I only wobble slightly, and Caleb stands to place his hands on my waist.
“Can I get her water?” he asks worriedly.
“Yes,” she says, walking over to fill a plastic cup. “Here you go. We can go in when you’re ready.”
Taking a sip when she hands it to me, I try to settle my nerves. They’re not as bad as when I first saw her, which has to be good enough for now.
“Ready,” I whisper, and she gazes at me for a second before nodding.
“Are you coming with her…?”
“Caleb Finnegan, one of her alphas,” he murmurs. “I want her to be able to say whatever she needs to, and I’m not the bestat managing my emotions. I’m going to be right outside in case she needs me instead.”
“That’s very self aware of you,” she murmurs.
“Yeah, well, I’m working on it,” Caleb sighs.
Dr. Alys and I go inside the office, and she closes the door carefully, watching my face. The office itself is cozy, and it doesn’t make me feel as if the walls are closing in.
“You can sit anywhere that makes you feel comfortable,” she says.
Seeing an egglike chair that hangs from the ceiling, I immediately head there and curl up inside it. Dr. Alys sits across from me and slides out of her heels, stretching her feet with a sigh.
