Page 136 of Dubious Match
HOLLIS
The weather isn’t as bad as it has been, and I’m taking today to spend reflecting. I typically take one day either before or on my birthday and do all the things I wish I could with my sister.
It’s the only way I can keep myself together the rest of the year. I told my alphas that I would be back, and they told me to stay in touch and let me go.
My guard begins the day after tomorrow, and I’m glad I don’t have to explain my odd behavior today. My first stop of the day is to get my nails done, my mind daydreaming as the tech talks about how long it’s been since she’s seen me.
It’s been a year. Outside of this, I don’t get my nails done. I do them myself.
The wind plays in my hair as I walk downtown to a bakery to buy an eclair. I rarely come here because I feel like I’m cheating on Lars, but he hates seeing me like this. Tears freeze on my cheeks as I cry, my face lifting up to let the weather hide my sadness.
It doesn’t matter that Nova could be my twin, I haven’t had a chance to talk to her to see if it’s true. Today, my sister is still lost, and I’m wallowing.
A part of me feels as if I’ve been too happy lately. It’s silly, honestly, because what does that even mean? My alphas have been showering me with love, but I still feel guilty about it.
Who am I to be happy when Maree could be lost or dead?
Just one day to cry, mourn what’s lost, and tomorrow I’ll be back to normal.
My eclair makes me sigh happily as I eat it on the sidewalk, my footsteps steady as I walk. Sugar really does fix everything. There are shops not far from here that I want to shop at, since I haven’t had time to get anything for Lars and Caleb for Christmas.
One of the things Felix asked me to do before I left was to keep my location on, and I easily agreed. I can’t completely disappear with Emilia still a threat. She’s been very quiet since I fucked up her office’s schedule and emails, though the chances of her finding out it was me are slim.
I also haven’t heard from Gwen again, which means I can only hope that she’s taking my advice and looking into the internal operations at ROWS.
You can’t save the world, Hollis.My lips twist in annoyance because I know that. I just have a lot of spinning plates at the moment.
The shops I’m looking for are thankfully open today, and I look at different things before settling on a few shirts for Lars that don’t have his cafe logo on it. Caleb is a little more difficult to shop for since he’s actually capable of buying clothing before there are too many holes in them.
The Finnegan brothers are as different as night and day in some ways, but he does seem to enjoy snarky t-shirts. Settling onsome inappropriate shirts that’ll be sure to piss his father off, I walk to the cashier to pay for my gifts.
“Hi,” the bored beta says as she takes everything.
“Hey,” I say with a smile. Retail during the holidays can be miserable, so I am extra careful to be kind while I’m shopping. It doesn’t affect me either way, and I’m headed out so I won’t be in her presence for long.
“Ugh, you’re so cheerful,” she mumbles, pointing to the card reader before she bags up my items.
Oh well, I can't win them all. I dutifully swipe my card and sign before taking my bags.
“Thanks,” I say, putting my card away in my purse.
Stepping outside, I begin to walk to my next stop which is a massage, and then I’ll head back to my alphas. It’s a deep tissue massage, which seems to help unlock the stress and trauma in my muscles. No one blinks an eye if you cry during the service, and it’ll help me purge the last bit of wallowing that I have to do.
I don’t have many rituals, but how I spend today is a hard and firm one. I don’t have a gravesite I can mourn at since there’s no evidence that Maree is alive or dead. This is the best I can do without torturing myself anymore than I usually do.
My bags are all in my left hand, while my right is in my pocket with my knife in my palm. For some reason, my neck itches, and I feel like there’s someone watching me. My car isn’t far from where I’m currently at, reminders flooding my mind of the last time I ignored my gut instincts.
“Fuck it,” I grunt, glancing both ways before I cross the street.
I’ll call the massage place once I’m in my car and cancel. I’ll pay her full fee too, simply because “I didn’t like the vibes” isn’t in their cancellation policy. Honestly, I don’t blame them for it either.
I don’t know what changed, but I suddenly feel really unsafe. Looking over my shoulder for what feels like the millionth time, I see a black panel van cruising up the road. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything, however I don’t believe in coincidences.
The sidewalk is icy, which means I’m walking carefully in my snow boots. I dressed for comfort in jeans, a sweater, and my coat thrown over it all. This means that my knife is unsheathed and the handle is in my palm, giving the illusion that my hands are either hidden in my pocket or full.
I look like an easy target basically. Turning away, I force myself to remain aware and breathe. I can see my fucking car from here, I’m almost there. The panel door opens and my boot slides slightly before I’m able to catch myself. Fuck.
I can hear heavy footsteps following me and I know that I’m not going to make it. Turning, I give the large men behind me a feral look.
