Page 80 of Unspoken Lies
It’s enough to pull me from the nightmare my mind crafted together between my imagination and the past. Sucking in a breath, my eyes open wide as I gaze up at Liliana.
“Fuck, there you are. I fell asleep and woke up to you struggling in your dreams,” she explains. “I couldn’t reach you.”
“I was being pulled underwater by the current and grass of the creek. I couldn’t break away,” I whisper, tears streaming down my face as I remember the nightmare.
Even now, the memory of it is slipping from my fingers. It’s the way it always is with my dreams now. It terrifies me in the moment, and all I’m left with is the memory of the fear without context quickly after.
“Do you remember anything else?” she asks as I sit up and lay my head on her shoulder.
“There was someone watching, but I don’t remember who it was now,” I sigh.
My stomach chooses that moment to growl, and my lips twitch in amusement as I wipe my tears away.
“I came over initially with the idea of making you breakfast, but now it’s well into lunch time,” Lili says with a smirk. “It’s a nice day, will you go out with me?”
Biting my lip, I gaze out the window, anxiety clawing at my insides. I need a shower after my nightmare. I’m afraid to smell myself, certain I’ll smell the sour scent of fear and sweat.
“I can try,” I say honestly.
“I’m going to be stage four clinger right now, but I don’t care,” she says.
“You?” I ask with a small smile, moving a safe distance away until I can shower. “How so?”
“I want you to move in with Ignacio and I,” she says. “I know it’s really soon, but this place is so…”
“I haven’t bothered decorating,” I admit, looking around the room, trying to see what she does. It feels lifeless and sad.
“It feels like you’ve just been trying to survive,” Liliana says instead. “You’ll still have space because I have class and work, but there will always be good food and a beautiful view. Sometimes it helps when you know you don’t have to cook it.“
“The energy I know it’ll take to get up and fix food sometimes is overwhelming,” I say. “Other times, time just gets away from me. Work actually forces me to pay attention to the passing of time because I know I have to be somewhere. My classes are all recorded online, so that doesn’t have the same impact.”
“What if you took an in-person class?” Lili asks, swallowing thickly. “Would that help?”
“I don’t know,” I murmur. “Classes are already a month in, maybe I can try in the summer. I’m currently enrolled in a program through a university in San Diego. I’m taking all of the prerequisite courses because it’s just something to do.”
“You mean your stepfather didn’t brow beat you into submission about your major?” she asks with a laugh. “The man chose most of my classes this year.”
“Really?” I ask, blinking in surprise. “He’s never been like that with me. I think the most heavy-handed thing that he’s done is insist that I spend time with Jared, Theo, and Elijah.”
“How is that going?” she asks.
“They confuse the hell out of me,” I groan. “I don’t trust them, so when they do something nice I immediately want to pull apart their reasoning for it.”
Standing, I shrug. “I’m going to shower and take my medicine. Then, we can tackle leaving,” I say.
“I’ll be here,” Lili says with a smirk, getting comfortable. The only thing mildly tolerable in this apartment is my couch.
My phone lights up as I turn away, and I pick it up as I walk to my bathroom.
Emil:
Okay, mija. Tell me what the game plan is here. I just cursed out your ex-therapist, reminded him he took an oath to not cause harm, and am looking for a psychiatrist to go over your current med list.
God I love this man.It doesn’t matter that I could have overreacted, he takes my words at face value.
Me:
I’m kind of winging it. Liliana asked me to move in and I’m seriously considering doing that. I think I should try to connect to the world again.
