Page 70 of Unspoken Lies
I saw Rachelle’s tears after we had sex, and I know that I need to address them soon. I don’t know if I did something wrong, if she had post orgasm emotions, or if it was something else entirely.
I know emotions are big after sex, especially for women. I’ve done a lot of reading since I got out of prison. Liliana sometimes glances at the computer screen and just smiles. There’s no judgement, just a kiss on the cheek and a comment about how true something is that I’m reading.
She’s now my fact checker on the articles I read as to how factual they actually are.
“I can’t,” Rachelle says, wrinkling her nose. “My meds are in the apartment. Also…shit. If they locked everything down, then I can’t get in since I don’t have my keys, now can I?”
“Rachelle, I can get you in,” I remind her. “I’ve been picking locks since I was tiny.”
“The only reason you get a pass on that is because of who your father is,” she grumbles. “I’m looking forward to seeing how much of a mess I am when I have to leave.”
“We’ll be there with you,” I murmur. “The courtyard also connects to the garage. It’s one straight shot. Would it help to see how pretty it all is?”
“It’s so difficult to explain the fear,” she sighs. “Unless I know someone is expecting me for work or something I can’t miss, it’s very difficult to leave without my heart beating out of my chest and a panic attack. I had to talk myself through leaving for my shift the other day.”
“Is it easier knowing that you may disappoint someone else?” I ask, trying to understand.
“Yes,” Rachelle says with a nod as she rests her chin on her hand as we talk.
“What about disappointing yourself?” I ask gently, despite Lili’s glare at me.
“I…” she trails off as she thinks about it. “What I want hasn’t mattered in a really long time. I didn’t want to pretend to be dead, or move to a city where I don’t know anyone or anything…”
Her voice breaks as she drops her face into the crook of her arm, and while I feel like shit, I’m not afraid of her tears. Not anymore. I would rather see them than not because it means she’s alive and with me. Sitting up, I pull her slight body into my arms. She’s so fucking tiny, and the reminder that she skips meals at times upsets me.
My arms wrap around her as Liliana sits up, and pulls up the blanket around her body.
“Your choices have been nil,” I agree. “We’ve all been manipulated, due to circumstances outside of our control. None of it has been fair, and I think you may have had the worst of it.”
“But you were in jail,” Rachelle wails. “I’m just inept, frozen in fear and despair. I’m weak.”
“You’re not,” Liliana interjects. “You almost died, baby.”
“Elijah begged me to stop,” I sigh. “In his mind, you had to die so that he could be free. That’s the mindset we grew up with. I decided my freedom wasn’t more important than yours in the end. Fuck, that may have been why I forfeited mine. I didn’t want to walk around in a world that you weren’t in.”
Liliana’s eyes grow huge as she begins to understand.
“It didn’t seem fair to stay out of prison with you, Lili,” I whisper, knowing how fucked up my admission is. “It’s not that you weren't enough, it’s more that I was punishing myself.”
“You’re an idiot,” Lili mutters. “I get it, but I’m still kind of mad at you.”
“Me too,” Rachelle says. “You fucking went to prison!”
“I know, and you stopped living,” I admonish. “Liliana is addicted to killing people. We’re all a mess.”
While Lili glares at me and Rachelle glances at her, I shrug. The secrets have to escape at some point.
“The only thing that helps silence my mind is ending lives,” Lili whispers. “It kept me from cutting because I knew you’d haunt my ass, Rachelle, so I learned the best and most effective torture techniques until Mr. Emil sent me to try to stop the drug running happening here. My dad has been worried about me, and being here has helped.”
“If you’re working for Emil, there’s still killing,” Rachelle says perceptively.
“Yeah, there is. They deserve it, though. I’ve tortured, but not killed anyone in three weeks. The last two people wanted to rape me, so I figure it evened out,” Lili says.
She continues to explain some more, while Rachelle nods. The conversation slows her crying, and I rub her back in circles.She’s naked in my lap, completely not paying attention to her nudity. I think having sex helped with some of that shyness.
“What do you want to do?” I ask as Lili finishes telling all of her secrets. There are some even I didn’t know. My father is a manipulative bastard, always has been, despite his reasons for it.
“I guess I should go home because staying healthy means continuing my meds,” Rachelle says.
