Page 50 of All the Ways You Save Me
I get up and pace across the room. The fact that I never want to let go isexactlywhat I was thinking. Her nearness, her presence, has me as disoriented as I was at seventeen and could barely sit through class without obsessing over the curve of her hip, the swell of her breasts, her mouth hot on my skin.
I hear a low buzz from the other room that sounds like a phone. Mine is on the table in front of me, so I wander into the bedroom to investigate. I follow the sound to the chair in the corner where I dropped the jeans I was wearing last night. Madeline and I were both so distracted, we forgot that I had tucked her phone in my pocket.
It buzzes again, and I glance at the screen. A text pops up over a series of others, and I stare at the name.
Jason.
It shouldn’t be a shock that he’s texting Madeline, the three of us were best friends. It makes perfect sense that he and Madeline kept in touch after Adam was gone. But why is he texting her now? Did she tell him her suspicions that I’m Adam?
I tap the screen, and though the phone is password-protected, I can still read the last text that came in. I know Ishouldn’t, but this is too urgent to ignore. If Jason believes Adam is alive, it will definitely complicate things. And if he comes here to poke around in my life, it will be a disaster. With a deep breath, I take a look.
I hope you know how much I love you and miss you. I’d do anything for you.
My head spins as I process the words in front of me. I should be relieved that Jason didn’t ask about me. Maybe he doesn’t know. But my heart only beats faster because the words, the familiarity of his tone all indicate that he and Madeline are close. More than friends.
He said,I love you.
He’d do anything for her.
Are Madeline and Jason a couple?
There are more texts before this one that might tell me for sure, but I know can’t read them. I only looked in the first place to find out if Jason is planning to come to Sandy Harbor. Since it doesn’t seem like that’s what he’s messaging to talk about, I have no right to snoop into Madeline’s life any further. I already regret reading the little bit that I did.
It’s not like I didn’t expect Madeline to move on with her life. I wanted her to find someone, to be happy after I was gone, especially since I knew I could never go back. ButJason? Jealousy burns in my gut as the questions ricochet around my head. Of all the scenarios I imagined, this was never one of them.
But maybe it should have been. Would it have changed any of my choices? I did this to protect him and Madeline.
I pace across the room and back, and then retrace my steps. By the time I head back into the living room for my third loop, I’ve calmed myself down. Jason was a good friend. Mybestfriend. He was always looking out for me. He was there when my dad died, when I had literally nobody, and I can’t imaginewhat I would have done without him during that terrible time. Maybe he always cared about Madeline, but he never would have acted on it if I were still around. And after I was gone, who could blame him?
The two of them were probably devastated. It kills me that I had to do that to them, but I had no choice. So they would have been leaning on each other, and maybe they grew closer. I hate the idea of it, but maybe I’d hate it more if Madeline had ended up with a stranger. At least I know Jason is a good guy, and that he’s been looking out for her.
I’m happy for them, I really am.
So, why can’t I shake the feeling that Jason was just waiting to make a move on Madeline, and when I disappeared, he found the perfect opportunity?
TWENTY-NINE
PRESENT DAY
Madeline
When I step outside on the back deck the next morning, the first thing I notice is my phone on the table. For a moment, I’m confused about how it ended up here, but then I remember I gave it to Garrett to put in his pocket. When I ran off last night—after he kissed me—I completely forgot he still had it.
I pick it up and see a series of texts from Jason.
Maddie, please think about what I said. Consider giving us another chance.
I was wrong to let you go.
I hope you know how much I love you and miss you. I’d do anything for you.
A tight band wraps around my chest. I know I hurt Jason by making the choice to come here and ultimately to end our engagement, but I was clear in our last conversation thatit’s over. He’s used to getting what he wants, though, and I wonder if he hopes he’ll eventually wear me down. It wouldn’t be the first time. I agreed to go on our first proper date because he’d asked me so many times that I finally threw up my hands and said yes.
But this time is different, and no amount of pressure is going to make me change my mind. I’m not sure what to say to him except to repeat my words from the other day.
Just as I hit send on my reply, my eyes lock on the timestamps on Jason’s messages. Early this morning. Did he send them before or after Garrett dropped off the phone? And if it was before, did Garrett see Jason’s name pop up?
My heart jolts. The latest message Jason sent would have shown up on the lock screen.
