Page 9 of All the Ways You Save Me
I shake my head. This really is crazy. “No, it’s okay. It’s such a… long shot… that the surfer is the guy I knew. I mean, the video was grainy and shaky. I’m sure in real life, he looks nothing like my old friend. And anyway, what could this frat guy tell me? It looks like the surfer took off.”
“You could try googling your old friend if you want to reconnect. Everyone can be found one way or another these days.”
I remember the voice of the police officer standing on Jason’s parents’ porch after we’d finally left the spot by the river and gone to wait for news.Divers searched the river downstream… Body washed away… No sign of him… We’ll keep looking, but don’t hold out hope.
Not everyone can be found.
My gaze slides to the photo on my desk. It’s the only image I have left of Adam. All my photos from senior year were on my phone, and I lost them all when I jumped into the river thenight he died. I was never able to power on that phone again. I wish I’d taken the time to print some other photos that year, or back them up on my laptop.
I wish I’d realized how temporary everything in my life was that year. I wish I hadn’t been so careless with it.
“Ms. Sullivan?” Brooklyn’s voice cuts in. “Are you okay?”
I force a smile. “Yes, of course. So, tell me more about your summer job…”
Later that evening, I carry a box to my car and slide into the driver’s seat. Like the other teachers, I park in the staff lot. But from my spot near the edge of the grass, I can look over and see the students’ parking area. It’s mostly empty now. The last of the seniors like Brooklyn took off a few hours ago, and the other students won’t be back until the start of the school year in August. In the six years that I’ve worked at the school, I’ve gotten used to spending my life surrounded by the places where I used to spend time with Adam. I’ve learned to shove aside my pain in the hallway, the cafeteria, the parking lot, and to get on with my day.
And eventually my life.
But now with dark hair and aquamarine eyes fresh in my mind, the grief feels as sharp as the day Adam died. I close my eyes as the memories wash over me. The warmth of his laugh, the strength of his arms. The softness of his lips on my neck, the weight of his body on mine, the heat of his fingers sliding up my thigh…
There’s a knock on my window, and I nearly jump out of my skin. My eyes fly open, and I turn to look at the man standing outside the car. My lungs slowly release a breath. It’s Gus, the security guard who patrols the grounds. I fan at my face and shift in my seat. Surely, he thinksthe flush on my cheeks is because I was startled; he’d have no way of knowing I’m turning myself on by a decade-old memory.
“You okay, Ms. Sullivan?” Gus calls through the door.
I roll down my window and gaze up at his grizzled gray beard. “I’m fine, Gus. Thanks for checking.”
Gus has been around since long before I was a student here. For a moment, I’m tempted to ask if he remembers Adam. But I’m sure he does. The shock reverberated through the entire town when Adam died.
“I saw you sitting over here alone with your eyes closed,” Gus says, looking me over. “Wondered if you fell asleep or something.”
I give him a bright smile. “I was just… meditating. You know… reflecting on the end of another school year.”
Gus nods like he gets it. “Time flies by, right?”
“It sure does.”
“Well, you have a good summer.” With a nod, he taps the roof of the car and heads across the parking lot.
I turn back toward the windshield, stealing one more glance at the parking lot where I nearly ran Adam down a decade ago. My memory of his face blurs with the image of the man on the beach.Could the surfer be Adam?
On the night Adam’s car went into the river, the rescue workers told us over and over that the chances of him surviving in the heavy current and freezing waters for long enough to get to shore were practically zero. And I never, ever doubted it. If there was one thing I was completely sure of, it’s that if Adam had survived, he would have come back to me. He loved me as much as I loved him.
How could he have possibly ended up miles away on some random beach?
I start my car and drive off to find the only person who could understand my shock and confusion.
SIX
PRESENT DAY
Madeline
“Adam? Are you serious?”
I take in Jason’s face across the kitchen island, expecting to see his shock mirroring mine, but instead, his eyebrows are furrowed, lips pressed together in an expression that’s almost… pitying.
He opens his mouth like he’s about to say something but then closes it, breathing out a little half-laugh. “You think you saw Adam in a social media video?Adam Nathanson?”
