Page 74 of From the Noblest Motives
Disappointingly, Damien was all business at the waterfall shower. Not that Shudder blamed him, since it was the shared one for this level of the compound, and the kids weren't always great about things like privacy. He got a kiss on the cheek and help with his boots—hisownboots, thank the gods—and reasoned that was a lot from Damien in a public space.
Before, he would've just left his shirt off and let his hair drip dry in the summer, but now… The healing abrasions and cuts, the bones showing too clearly, the fact that he had no hair at all, added up to being fully dressed with a hat plopped on his ugly head.
I have to get one of my hats out of the trunk. At least be ugly and stylish.
When they got back to Shudder's rooms—hissuite, Toby called it to tease him—Blaze was awake, cleaned up, and shirtless. Of course he was. All feral grace and hard muscle as he picked up clothes off the floor. He was glorious and perfect and…
"You cleaned up," Shudder got out in a small, choked voice.
"Yeah." Blaze straightened with a frown, holding one of Shudder's shirts to his chest. "I just thought since Damien's here—Shuds, what's wrong?"
"I… just… Ugly and you're… Beautiful. And I'm such a slob. And why do I feel like this so much of the time?" Shudder rubbed at his chest, grimacing as tears threatened again. "Anxious and wrong all the time. Like it's the morning of a math exam and I haven't studied because the numbers wouldn't sit still and I know Pythagorean theorem is a thing, but I can't rememberwhatthing—and when does thisstop?"
His words echoed through the caves, and he covered his face with his hands, trying to slow his thoughts, his breaths, everything too loud, so he almost missed Damien's soft voice saying, "It doesn't."
Blaze hissed a breath through his teeth. "Damien…"
"No." Damien made a slicing motion with the side of his hand. "No. Shudder… Trauma lives inside you now. You need to have truthandsupport. It might never go away. It might come at predictable times, being trapped in a small space or hearing a particular voice, or it might rise up at random moments. It doesn't go away, but it can be manageable, lessalways, as you learn to navigate it."
"Like you do?"
An expression twisted Damien's lips that couldn't be called a smile. "Not like I do. Please don't try that. Like you do. What works for you."
"I don'tknowwhat works for me." Shudder lowered his voice. He had to stop yelling. Sound carried oddly in the caves, and someone might come running, thinking he needed help. Which he did. Not that kind, though.
Strong arms enveloped him, pulling him in to rest against a hard chest, and some of the itching anxiety peeled off and fell to the ground. Surrounded by a Blaze blanket, secure, warm, he could think through the sticky fog a little better.
"Stop saying you're ugly, you idiot." Blaze's voice trembled, and big, bad Blaze, close to tears, actually steadied Shudder. "You're not. You could never be. Everyone's golden boy. Knock it the fuck off."
Damien's hand on his back steadied him even more. "You should talk to Dr. Parma. Trauma therapy."
"Oh. Ha. Right." Shudder found himself trying to press back for more Damien and forward for more Blaze at the same time. Apparently, the human body didn't bend that way. "I forget that she had a life before Guild."
"Yeah. You should. She's just really nice to talk to when things are weird, anyway." Blaze's eyes widened when Shudder raised his head to blink at him. "What? I've done a lot of Guild work these past years. A lot of times, she'd give me the specs in private."
"So you took advantage of her profession under the cover of friendly conversation?"
"It wasn't—" Blaze's ears went red, a sure sign he was nearing an explosion. But he caught himself and tapped Shudder's nose. "Stop poking at me, you annoying git. Trying to get me all worked up."
"Never. If I wanted to get you worked up…"
Shudder tipped his head up and snagged Blaze's lips in a kiss. Could've been smoother. He was off to the right at first, a little clumsy in his approach. But Blaze didn't leave him wanting, adjusting their angle so their lips met full on—a little chapped, smoldering, and with that heart-tugging, familiar urgency that was all Blaze.
He wrapped his arms around Blaze's neck and pressed close, desperate for more contact, more of that hard body against his.Sinfully good. His cock was awake now and paying all the attention. A small, pained sound came from behind him, and he turned to find Damien watching avidly, eyes wide and glassy, lips parted.
"I didn't forget you, beautiful." Shudder tried to lean back and reach for Damien.Oooh, okay, not very bendable yet.Ow.
"I've got you." Damien's hands steadied and turned him, effectively stealing him from Blaze's arms.
"Hey!" Blaze growled, but it only took a moment to figure out that he could now press against Shudder's back, which was also A Very Nice Thing. Shudder couldn't help grinding his backside into Blaze's groin, just a little, to hear that sexy rumble.
Definitely worked up now.
Damien's kiss was short and heated. When he pulled back, he stroked Shudder's earlobe with a fingertip. "What do you like?"
"Me? Everything?"
"Hmm." Damien frowned. "No one likes everything."
